Some people believe that it is essential to include Physical Education classes in the curriculum for all school-age children. Others think that children's time is better spent on more academic subjects. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

There is a debate over whether scholars should allocate their
time
to classes like Physical Education, with some saying including these types of classes is a good way to improve the
overall
well-being of
students
and others arguing that
instead
of
time
spent on these subjects, children can study more academic ones. In my opinion,
while
including only scholarly fields has some benefits,
PE
is considered an essential part of youngsters.
To begin
, the main reason why parents want to limit or even entirely skip the whole
PE
class is the amount of
time
that they are required which leads to less
time
for more academic subjects, including science, mother tongue, and so on. Coping with the possibility of injury is another fear of the parents of children. To participate in sports,
students
should have a great physique, or they need to make it by dedication and discipline. In fact, doing sports is the only way to improve their health and strengthen their bones which can prevent a variety of diseases in their future life.
However
,
PE
plays a very crucial role in a scholar's life.
Initially
, in
this
fast and crowded world, one of the ways to reduce the amount of stress that
students
get from school or extracurricular activities is partaking in sports exercises.
Moreover
, thinking about only academic performance makes one sick and an overthinker. With the help of Physical Education, learners can burn more calories than their usual day which will lead to another advantage of it. Obviously, if you lose a lot of calories, your body requires good and deep sleep that will reduce problems associated with sleeping. Having a very good sleep can increase your performance in school. In conclusion, there are some disadvantages to taking classes like
PE
,
such
as the likelihood of injury and having less
time
for essential academic subjects.
However
, I view
this
as a positive development for
students
, so they will have a very great physique and they can get rid of unnecessary thoughts about their studies.
Submitted by ieltswritingband99 on

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task achievement
You should aim to further develop your ideas with more specific examples to make your arguments stronger.
coherence cohesion
Try to improve the clarity and cohesiveness of your ideas within paragraphs by using more linking words and phrases.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both views and provides a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirements effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with a distinct introduction, body, and conclusion, which aids reader understanding.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well supported and generally clear, providing a solid argument for your opinion.

Fully explain your ideas

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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