Many children this days have an unhealthy lifestile. Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem.
Unhealthy enormous impact.
lifestyle
become more and more common among Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
younger
generation. Add an article
the younger
Although
, parents
and academics
should take obligation
to find a solution, industries which produce items for Add an article
the obligation
children
are responsible as well.
Both parents
and schools should take responsability
for Correct your spelling
responsibility
younger
generations' lifestyle, since Correct article usage
the younger
parents
are role model
, Fix the agreement mistake
models
while
academics
could provide lessons at gym
about being fit. Add an article
the gym
Children
would try to copy parents'
nutritionCorrect pronoun usage
their parents'
wherease
schools would teach Correct your spelling
whereas
how
to be healthy through Correct pronoun usage
them how
sport
. Fix the agreement mistake
sports
For instance
, when parents
consume products with high nutrition
value like veggies, Replace the word
nutritional
children
include same
cousins in their daily diet. Correct article usage
the same
In
addition
physical activities conducted by tutors at Add a comma
addition,
academs
were supportable for youngers. Correct your spelling
academics
academy
Thus
, if parents
and academics
show how to be healthy, childrens
will try to go through Correct your spelling
children
this
tips.
Correct determiner usage
these
On the other hand
, companies which create goods for children
such
us
snacks or gadgets should consider Correct your spelling
as
about
an answer, because of the reason that their products would Change preposition
apply
also
haveAdd an article
an
Children
usually apply items which they have seen from
Change preposition
in
advertisiments
, so corporations should make and promote healthy things. Correct your spelling
advertisements
For example
, when industries make not only attractive advertiseme
, but Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
also
eco friendy
items like snacks without sugar or Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
equipments
, Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
children
have control in
their weight and activity hours. Change preposition
over
Therefore
, it is Correct article usage
the corporations
corporations
obligation to solve the issue.
Change noun form
corporations'
corporation's
To conclude
, although
parents
and academics
could have footprint
Correct article usage
a footprint
ob
Correct your spelling
on
children
Change noun form
children's
mind
about healthy Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
lifestile
, industries would have Correct your spelling
lifestyle
lifestyles
greater
influence. If Correct article usage
a greater
busnisess manade
about it earlier, we would not have youngers who suffer from lack of activity or Correct your spelling
businesses made
outweight
.Add a missing verb
are outweight
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grammar
Try to correct common spelling and grammar mistakes, such as 'this days' which should be 'these days,' or 'responsability' which should be 'responsibility.'
examples
Add more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general suggestions, use precise instances to illustrate your arguments better.
task response
The essay addresses the task effectively by discussing the responsibility of both parents, schools, and industries in tackling the problem of children's unhealthy lifestyles.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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