Many children this days have an unhealthy lifestile. Both parents and schools are responsible for solving this problem.

Unhealthy
lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
show examples
become more and more common among
younger
Add an article
the younger
show examples
generation.
Although
,
parents
and
academics
should take
obligation
Add an article
the obligation
show examples
to find a solution, industries which produce items for
children
are responsible as well. Both
parents
and schools should take
responsability
Correct your spelling
responsibility
for
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
generations' lifestyle, since
parents
are role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
,
while
academics
could provide lessons at
gym
Add an article
the gym
show examples
about being fit.
Children
would try to copy
parents'
Correct pronoun usage
their parents'
show examples
nutrition
wherease
Correct your spelling
whereas
schools would teach
how
Correct pronoun usage
them how
show examples
to be healthy through
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
.
For instance
, when
parents
consume products with high
nutrition
Replace the word
nutritional
show examples
value like veggies,
children
include
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
cousins in their daily diet.
In
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
physical activities conducted by tutors at
academs
Correct your spelling
academics
academy
were supportable for youngers.
Thus
, if
parents
and
academics
show how to be healthy,
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
will try to go through
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
tips.
On the other hand
, companies which create goods for
children
such
us
Correct your spelling
as
show examples
snacks or gadgets should consider
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
an answer, because of the reason that their products would
also
have
Add an article
an
show examples
enormous impact.
Children
usually apply items which they have seen
from
Change preposition
in
show examples
advertisiments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
, so corporations should make and promote healthy things.
For example
, when industries make not only attractive
advertiseme
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
, but
also
eco friendy
Correct your spelling
eco-friendly
show examples
items like snacks without sugar or
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
,
children
have control
in
Change preposition
over
show examples
their weight and activity hours.
Therefore
, it is
Correct article usage
the corporations
show examples
corporations
Change noun form
corporations'
corporation's
show examples
obligation to solve the issue.
To conclude
,
although
parents
and
academics
could have
footprint
Correct article usage
a footprint
show examples
ob
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
mind
Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
show examples
about healthy
lifestile
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
lifestyles
, industries would have
greater
Correct article usage
a greater
show examples
influence. If
busnisess manade
Correct your spelling
businesses made
about it earlier, we would not have youngers who suffer from lack of activity or
outweight
Add a missing verb
are outweight
show examples
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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grammar
Try to correct common spelling and grammar mistakes, such as 'this days' which should be 'these days,' or 'responsability' which should be 'responsibility.'
examples
Add more specific examples to support your points. Instead of general suggestions, use precise instances to illustrate your arguments better.
task response
The essay addresses the task effectively by discussing the responsibility of both parents, schools, and industries in tackling the problem of children's unhealthy lifestyles.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which makes it easy to follow.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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