Some say that music, art and drama are as important as other school subjects, especially at the primary level. Do you agree or disagree?
It is believed that liberal
arts
subjects
, such
as drama and music, should be considered as equally essential as other subjects
in primary schools. I strongly agree with the notion because those subjects
not only embed creativity in children but also
teach them morality
, a crucial element needed in developed countries.
One of the reasons why liberal arts
education should be as compulsory as science-related subjects
is that it equips pupils with creativity, a 21st-century skill that is
highly valued in most modern workplaces. Arts
and literature reflect human interaction, and by getting a grasp knowledge on how these things work, students will comprehend better and be more prepared for their future employment. For instance
, to increase the rate of its graduates being employed, Yale-NUS College in Singapore promotes the study of liberal arts
subjects
and encourages its students to do internships in the local communities, which, in the end, allows them to perform well both academically and professionally.
Moreover
, liberal arts
subjects
are believed to be important because they teach morality
. When students are introduced to knowledge on how to differentiate between right and wrong through subjects
such
as civic education, they will understand clearly what is considered morally right. For instance
, many primary schools in Japan pay high attention to student behaviours, and it is compulsory that they are taught to be well-disciplined and respectful to the elders. As a result
, Japan became one of the most civilised societies, known for its people’s morality
.
In conclusion, I am of the opinion that the study of art, drama and music should be valued and considered as imperative as other science-related subjects
because they teach pupils creativity and morality
, a skill and an attribute that are necessary to perform well in their future work.Submitted by emteeme on
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General
Overall, this essay is well-organized with a clear structure, but it could benefit from slightly more detailed examples and explanations to strengthen the arguments. Try to provide specific data or anecdotes where possible.
Task Response
For task response, ensure each point made in support of the argument is thoroughly explained and exemplified. This will help achieve a more comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Maintaining a cohesive flow between the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion is key. This essay does this well but can improve by using more varied linking words to enhance readability.
Introduction and Conclusion
The introduction is clear and provides a concise overview of the writer's stance, setting up the essay well.
Main Points
Each main point is developed and supported with relevant examples, helping to substantiate the arguments.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reaffirms the writer's position, providing a strong end to the essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite
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