In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasis that their products are new in some way. Why is this? do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In contemporary times, companies tend to focus on

notion

Add an article

the notion

show examples

of novelty in their commercial promotions. I claim that their purpose is

convince

Change the verb form

to convince

convincing

show examples

customers to purchase their product and in my opinion drawbacks of

this

Linking Words

trend outweigh its benefits. In today’s world,

business

Add an article

the business

show examples

sector is extremely competitive.

Hence

Linking Words

, manufacturers have to update their goods more often. In

this

Linking Words

way

Add a comma

way,

show examples

uniqueness may help them stay ahead of the race and surpass the competitors.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, changes

such

Linking Words

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

new

design

Fix the agreement mistake

designs

show examples

improve

Wrong verb form

improved

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

quality and

develop

Replace the word

development

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

benefits catch customer’s attention,

thus

Linking Words

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

can lead to more

demanding

Replace the word

demand

show examples

that will bring more profit for that

company

Use synonyms

For example

Linking Words

, Apple frequently

offer

Change the verb form

offers

show examples

cutting-edge mobile phones with the efficiency of the latest technology that

attract

Change the verb form

attracts

show examples

buyers, and

make

Correct subject-verb agreement

makes

show examples

this

Linking Words

company

Use synonyms

the most successful sample in their business.

On the other hand

Linking Words

Change preposition

apply

show examples

contrary to popular opinion, new isn’t always the best. A number of fresh improvements could bring failure for the producers.

For instance

Linking Words

, in my

hometown

Add a comma

hometown,

show examples

plenty of home appliances

face

Verb problem

apply

show examples

malfunction after a

while

Linking Words

due to

Linking Words

the fact that their

company

Use synonyms

change

Wrong verb form

changed

show examples

the prototype

for creating

Change preposition

to create

show examples

something modern,

however

Linking Words

, that invention

leading

Wrong verb form

led

show examples

technical

Add an article

a technical

show examples

defect

Fix the agreement mistake

defects

show examples

Moreover

Linking Words

establish

Wrong verb form

establishing

show examples

the state-of-the-art version of a

manufacture

Replace the word

manufacturer

show examples

usually

cost

Correct subject-verb agreement

costs

show examples

a fortune and

also

Linking Words

it is

hazard

Add an article

a hazard

the hazard

show examples

. If something goes wrong, the

company

Use synonyms

will face a financial loss that can be really harmful. In conclusion,

although

Linking Words

modern

Correct article usage

the modern

show examples

market left

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

businesses

Change preposition

with no

show examples

choice but to become promoted day after day, they should try to beat

this

Linking Words

attitude and concentrate on offering goods

with

Change preposition

show examples

the best quality, whether they are new or not.

mahtaesmailian

Aug 21, 2024

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task achievement

Your essay provides a relevant response to the question, but some points could be more clearly developed. Try to expand on your ideas and provide deeper analysis. Ensure that every paragraph clearly supports your overall thesis.

coherence cohesion

While your essay is generally well-structured, some paragraphs could be better organized to improve the logical flow. Use clear topic sentences and ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Additionally, work on eliminating run-on sentences and punctuation errors to enhance readability.

coherence cohesion

Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, both of which are well-connected to the overall argument. This helps give your writing a cohesive feel.

task achievement

The example about Apple is relevant and effectively illustrates your point. Including specific examples strengthens your argument and makes your essay more convincing.

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14
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
31
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

263 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

advertising
businesses
products
new
emphasize
attract
customers
competitors
exciting
interest
sales
urgency
market
better
advanced
versions
sense
development
positive
negative

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