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Writing Samples
Band 7

At the present time the population of some countries including a relatively large number of young adults compared with the number of older people do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

#time #population #countries #adults #people
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These days, communities have various ranges of age do not live in the same areas, so we can see some
countries
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 have a majority of youth and fewer elderly
people
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.
While
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 these kinds of populations have benefits, I still believe that cannot overshadow the drawbacks. On the one hand, societies with a
lot
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 of young generations have several merits.
Firstly
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, these kinds of
countries
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 have a number of workers who can work in different parts of the
countries
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 that help
countries
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 to improve
such
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 as agriculture and tourist industries, factories, and so on;
additionally
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, they can take care of older
people
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.
Secondly
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, if one country has a
lot
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 of young
people
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, it is able to send them to other
countries
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 to learn new methods of development;
besides
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, these communities come back and work in the sections that their country is poor in.
On the other hand
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, the demerits of a
lot
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 of young
people
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 are varied. On the one side,
countries
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 with a
lot
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 of teenagers in the future
,
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apply
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 will have too many old populations who will have to look after them;
consequently
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, they will invest a great deal of money in
this
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 sector. On the other side, when society has more youth than adults, they have a
lot
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 of young citizens who do not have jobs;
as a result
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, the figure of poor districts in
this
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 country will climb.
To conclude
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, a
lot
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 of young generations from old ones have some good points for
countries
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 today;
In contrast
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, they will become issues;
hence
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, I believe that their bad points can eclipse the advantages.
Submitted by maryamkazemi968 on

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task achievement
Try to provide more detailed examples to support your points. This will make your essay more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
Work on streamlining your ideas to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. Ensuring each paragraph has a clear focus can improve the coherence of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear introduction and a conclusion that neatly wraps up your arguments.
task achievement
You raise good points about the benefits and drawbacks of having a youthful population.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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