IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people believe that once a person becomes a criminal, he will always be a criminal. Do you agree with this statement? Provide specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some think that individuals who have committed offences are likely to continue engaging in
such
Linking Words
 behaviour. Personally, I totally disagree with
this
Linking Words
 development and I will explain why in
this
Linking Words
 essay.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, there are a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 becoming
criminals
Use synonyms
 these days;
however
Linking Words
, that does not mean that everyone is looking to continue committing crimes. If a person breaks the law and
then
Linking Words
 gets caught, it is probably true that most part of
such
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 will stand correct.
For example
Linking Words
, in Norway there is a prison called ‘from bad to good’ and statistically 90% of
criminals
Use synonyms
 become good
people
Use synonyms
 after entering
this
Linking Words
 prison.
Thus
Linking Words
, I would prefer to explain that anyone can change his or her life at any time, so
people
Use synonyms
 cannot just say that an individual who committed a crime is going to continue it.
In addition
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
,in
this
Linking Words
 modern era, some
people
Use synonyms
 may try to break the law, they will
subsequently
Linking Words
 face problems with the police and
then
Linking Words
 go to jail.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that many countries have good security and police services, which can not only prevent the increase of
criminals
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
Linking Words
 give a decent punishment.
For instance
Linking Words
, Russia has one of the strictest prisons in the world, the Black Dolphin, in which
criminals
Use synonyms
 are struggling seriously, taking a lot of punishments and so on, but in the end, most of them are becoming great
people
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
good police service and security, I do not think that
criminals
Use synonyms
 will always be
criminals
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, I completely disagree that
people
Use synonyms
 who commit a crime will be
criminals
Use synonyms
 forever, because, nowadays, humankind has plenty amount of impactful jails and
also
Linking Words
 punishment systems.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Your response is comprehensive and addresses the prompt effectively. However, there are a few minor grammatical errors and awkward phrases that disrupt the flow.
task achievement
Try to elaborate on your supporting points with more depth to provide a richer argument. Greater use of specific data or examples could elevate the quality of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to maintain a logical flow between ideas. Also, the paragraphs could benefit from more connective words or phrases, which will enhance the readability.
coherence cohesion
Your essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, and the main points are generally well-supported. However, there is room for improvement in the coherence and cohesion between individual sentences and points within paragraphs.
task achievement
You have addressed the prompt thoroughly, presenting a clear stance and relevant arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with distinct introduction and conclusion paragraphs.
task achievement
You provided specific examples that were relevant to your arguments, which helped support your points.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • rehabilitation
  • reintegration
  • recidivism
  • therapy
  • stigmatization
  • reoffending
  • accountability
  • support programs
  • proactive steps
  • personal choice
  • societal barriers
  • reform
  • transformation
  • opportunities
  • environment
  • social support
  • success stories
  • examples
  • criminal behavior
  • stereotype
What to do next:
Look at other essays: