IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Question- Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

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It is argued that each nation should decline the intake of natural fuels like oil and gas and the global community must act instantly to impel it.
This
Linking Words
 essay will totally agree with that statement because consuming too
many
Correct quantifier usage
much
show examples
fuel
Use synonyms
 can lead to global warming and the waste can harm human health.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the important thing is that the main reason for global warming is consuming a lot of
fuel
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, from consuming
this
Linking Words
 fossil, air getting more and more dirty and of that influence nitrogen layer becomes weaker, which leads to the growth of temperature.
For example
Linking Words
, for many years now scientists from around the world have been telling us that
this
Linking Words
 is the biggest danger for all humanity and one of the ways to stop it is to prevent people from consuming a large amount of
fuel
Use synonyms
 in our transport.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 can be very dangerous for human health and the body. In the 21st century, there are a lot of diseases that are influenced by dirty air.
For instance
Linking Words
, my friend Arman had one of these diseases and doctors say that
this
Linking Words
 disease is because of dirty air
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
in our day a huge amount of people have illnesses from
this
Linking Words
 problem. For that reason, people must stop using way a lot of
fuel
Use synonyms
 and take electric cars to prevent it. In conclusion,
consuming
Replace the word
the consumption
show examples
 of
fuel
Use synonyms
 must be reduced because it is very dangerous for humanity and can lead to big
catastrophic
Replace the word
catastrophes
show examples
 like global warming.

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coherence cohesion
To improve logical structure, use more varied linking words and phrases to show relationships between ideas. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure every paragraph clearly expresses a single main idea to avoid any potential confusion or repetition.
task achievement
Extend your discussion with more specific examples and data. This will help to provide a fuller response to the question.
task achievement
Make sure your arguments are fully developed. Try to delve deeper into each point to provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in understanding the main arguments presented.
task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt well by discussing the negative impacts of fossil fuel consumption and providing relevant examples.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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