The government should spend money in promoting sport and art in school, rather than sponsoring for professional sports and art events in communities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people argue that the government should allocate its
money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
promotion
Correct article usage
the promotion
show examples
of
art
and sports in
schools
, rather than being
Add an article
a sponsor
show examples
sponsor
Fix the agreement mistake
sponsors
show examples
for communities' professional sports and
art
organizations. I completely agree with the first statement because it can help to discover
children
's true potential, and it can be more
cost-efficent
Correct your spelling
cost-efficient
. If the state can spare a budget for the improvement of
art
and sports facilities, it can ignite
children
's talent in these fields. Students can discover whether they are passionate about
one
of these spheres and become a famous artist or an
athelete
Correct your spelling
athlete
one
day. The government can put aside
money
to build a new gym and an
art
room with all
necessary
Correct article usage
the necessary
show examples
equipment.
Therefore
,
children
who take advantage of these facilities can work on themselves and take
one
step
further
to pursue their dreams. Another point to consider is that investing
money
in
schools
can be more affordable for the state than
communities
Change preposition
for communities
show examples
. Sponsoring events can take up a lot of
money
as the government needs funds to build an arena for
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
activities, hire employees, buy equipment, start an advertising campaign and so on.
On the contrary
,
schools
only need
money
for opening a new gym and an
art
room. That way,
one
small
amendent
Correct your spelling
amendment
to
schools
can change many lives considering hundreds of students attend
one
school nowadays.
Consequently
, many
children
can be reached and encouraged to take up
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
or
art
. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that countries should provide
schools
with funds, rather than spending a pile of
money
on
sponsoships
Correct your spelling
sponsorships
sponsorship
.
Submitted by Dinare Abdullayeva on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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