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Band 2.5

n recent times, economic growth has helped many become richer, both in developed and developing countries. However, those in developed countries are not as happy as they were in the past. Why is this? What can be learned from this? (Write 250 words.)

#n #times #growth #countries
Some might think that developed countries don't face issues, but these days their countries are still struggling with many obstacles
from
Change preposition
to
show examples
 evolution. It seems like everyone is in competition, in firms, education, and living factors. Pupils put huge efforts
on
Change preposition
into
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 their assignments to ensure that they are intelligent and deserve to get in a high position in the future,
this
 is completely one kind of race in school. Growing up an adult doesn’t mean these things will stop, it will become even
more
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apply
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harder,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 workers'
rival
Fix the agreement mistake
rivals
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 start. Carrying on expectations, jealousy etc. for the long term can lead to stress, depression, or any other mal symptoms.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of people tend to suicide to
set
Add a missing verb
be set
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 free forever in fact
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
they deal with negative emotions every day. Humans want to be “someone” in someone’s life, so they try to prove themselves to be accepted by others, which provides more pressure and ends up irresistible. To give some lessons, developed countries don't guarantee your life quality, everything has
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 own advantages and disadvantages. Do not be so serious with your life, everyone has been struggling with something as well, so remember one thing “
the
Capitalize word
The
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 wind is rising,
we
Correct word choice
so we
show examples
 must try to live. Face it and learn mistakes from
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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task achievement
Your ideas are interesting, but you need to develop them more fully. To achieve a higher score, ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence, provide more detailed examples, and explain your points further. Consider breaking longer sentences into shorter, clearer ones.
coherence cohesion
While your essay is generally easy to follow, work on improving the transitions between your ideas. Ensure each paragraph flows logically into the next, and use linking words to show how ideas are related. This will help your reader understand your argument better.
task achievement
You addressed the task and provided a response to both questions asked. This shows a clear understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has an introduction and a conclusion, which gives your response a clear structure. This is good practice for organizing your ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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