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Band 2.5

Some people think it is important for children to take lessons outside classroom for example by visiting places such as local companies or public buildings do you agreed or disagree

#people #children #lessons #classroom #places #companies #buildings
People
 have different views about whether
children
 to take lessons outside
classroom
Add an article
the classroom
show examples
for example
 by visiting places
such
 as local companies or public buildings
.in
Correct your spelling
In
this
 essay I will present
agreement
Correct article usage
an agreement
show examples
 supporting that
statement
, after which some
aspect
Fix the agreement mistake
aspects
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
will be discussed. On the one
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
people
 agree with the
statement
 for many important reasons the most critical is that studying outside the school
become
Correct subject-verb agreement
becomes
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
learning
attractive
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the students
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 more interaction with
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 and students
moreover
 , the students focus more .
For example
 average intelligence
children
 increased except learning outside compare
children
 how learn inside classroom. On the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
, some
people
 oppose
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
statement
 for many vital reasons the most important that it is Too many buildings make learning distracting. The External influences become learning difficulties . In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 no doubt
people
different
Add a missing verb
have different
show examples
 views
some one
Correct your spelling
someone
show examples
 agree with
this
statement
 and
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
other
Correct pronoun usage
others
show examples
 opposite that . In my opinion I agree with
this
statement
 should
children
 learn outside classroom become learn more interesting and every
people
 like to learn outside . I encourage
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
 type of
learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
.
Submitted by um.maktoum2014 on

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coherence cohesion
Try to provide clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to enhance the logical structure. Each paragraph should focus on a single main point that supports your argument or counterargument.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples and evidence to support your main points. This will strengthen your argument and increase the clarity and comprehensiveness of your ideas.
task achievement
Avoid repetitive phrases and wordings such as 'no doubt people different views.' Rephrasing and varying your vocabulary will make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Edit for grammar and spelling issues to ensure clarity. This includes correcting sentence structure and punctuation errors.
task achievement
You have included both sides of the argument, which demonstrates an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes an introduction and conclusion, which helps frame your argument and round off your discussions.
task achievement
Your conclusion clearly states your opinion, which ties back to the essay's prompt effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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