IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people think that the government is wasting money on the arts and that this money could be better spent elsewhere. To what extent do you agree with this view?

#people #government #money #arts
It is thought by some that the government should not spend
money
 on the
arts
, which is a waste of
money
, because there are many other areas needing
money
 to improve the quality of life, which are more important than the
arts
.
However
, I don’t agree with
this
 idea. In my view, the
arts
 are
indispensable
Add an article
an indispensable
show examples
 part of life. It is necessary for the government to invest
money
 in the area of the
arts
. First of all,
although
 it is easy for people to forget the existence of the
arts
, the fact is that the
arts
 are always as important as other aspects of people’s lives,
such
 as science,
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
 or history. Humans can often get
inspirations
Fix the agreement mistake
inspiration
show examples
 or new ideas from the
arts
, which form the foundation of their beliefs.
Furthermore
, it is exactly these beliefs
advancing
Wrong verb form
that advance
show examples
 the development of individuals and society.
Secondly
, there is no doubt that it is because of the
arts
 that our lives are interesting and meaningful. Today modern cities are filled with beautiful, inspiring buildings; loads of art activities help citizens kill some time or develop their hobby; spectacular sculptures become the highlight of tourist attractions. If there is no aesthetics, music, painting,
statue
Fix the agreement mistake
statues
show examples
, etc.,
then
 the question is, how can human beings survive in
this
 boring and dark world? In conclusion,
while
 some always forget the fact that the
arts
 are
essential
Add an article
an essential
show examples
 part of
humans’lives
Correct your spelling
human lives
humans lives
, it is absolutely wrong to underestimate the importance of the
arts
. People need governments to invest in the
arts
 to make life
colorful
Change the spelling
colourful
show examples
 and vibrant.
Submitted by yashaswikhot on

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The essay could further increase the score by incorporating more specific and detailed examples to support the main points. This would make the argument more convincing and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence and cohesion, consider using a wider range of transitional words and phrases. This will help in clearly guiding the reader through the progression of your arguments.
task achievement
The essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, addressing the prompt effectively.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay is strong, with well-organized paragraphs that each address specific points supporting the main argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present and effectively frame the essay, contributing to a cohesive and well-rounded piece.

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To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enriching society
  • promoting cultural understanding
  • development of talent
  • creative industries
  • economic benefits
  • generate revenue
  • cultural heritage
  • identity
  • prioritize spending
  • needs of the majority
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