There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
People have very divided opinions about whether should children be taught only academic subjects at school so that they can concentrate on their studies.
This
essay will disagree with the previous statement because these courses provide kids with practical and incredibly important life skills.
Firstly
, there is no doubt that students experience severe stress due to
the difficulties caused by the need to achieve higher grades during the academic year. Physical activities and creativity sessions are not only beneficial for body heath and imagination development, but they also
help pupils to take the pressure off and relax between classes, so they do not overwork. Recent studies in Russian educational institutions have shown that two PE and art lessons in a week can help children relieve tension and de-stress throughout a tough period, as well as
improve their capability to absorb the learning material.
Secondly
, it is undeniable that the ability to cook is one of the main needs for a person to survive in the present world, so these lessons are shaping students into responsible adults, so they can make their own decisions and be independent. Furthermore
, research has shown that kids who are taking cookery classes are more organized and accountable than those who do not attend.
Finally
, taking everything into account, non-academic subjects like physical education, art classes and culinary lessons should be consistent in the lives of the undergraduates, because of their positive effects on students. Pupils have the opportunity to unwind and learn new ways of taking care of themselves.Submitted by nyannche on
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task achievement
In terms of task response, you did an excellent job of addressing the prompt and providing a clear stance. However, your argument could be strengthened by addressing potential counterarguments and elaborating more on the repercussions of not including non-academic subjects.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure overall. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are well-organized. Nevertheless, the transition between the second and third paragraphs could be smoother. Using transition phrases such as 'Moreover' or 'In addition' can help with the flow.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is engaging and presents the topic very clearly. The conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reinforces your stance.
relevant specific examples
You have included relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as the study from Russian educational institutions and the benefits of cookery classes.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.