Some people believe that young people should be required to do unpaid work in their free time to help the local community. They say this would benefit both the individual and society. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Nowadays in many
countries
there are some mandatory unpaid jobs for Add a comma
countries,
an
specific period in various fields Change the article
a
such
as military service or charity . The teenagers
should do Correct article usage
Teenagers
this
works
usually when they are about 20 years old .
On a large scale , Fix the agreement mistake
work
this
does not seem a bad idea as helping the
society is not Correct article usage
apply
waste
of time , nor gaining some experience . Teenagers need to face some social connections and get familiar with community problems to get Correct article usage
a waste
experienced
for their future Replace the word
experience
career
. Plus , learning important skills at these activities could be helpful with their future job . Fix the agreement mistake
careers
Moreover
, This
unpaid programs can reduce government Correct determiner usage
These
cost
for social services and Fix the agreement mistake
costs
this
can lead to a
better facilities Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
on
Change preposition
in
the
other parts of Correct article usage
apply
the
society . Correct article usage
apply
In addition
to what has already been mentioned , if this
programs Change the determiner
these
Add a missing verb
are orginize
orginize
wisely , they can be even fun for teenagers.
Correct your spelling
organised
On the other hand
, I can think of some disadvantages too , for instance
, maybe some people believe that it could be waste
of a golden time in Correct article usage
a waste
Correct article usage
a persons
persons
life Change noun form
person's
specially
if Replace the word
especially
this
programs
does not Change the determiner
program
managed
right to teach the participants beneficial abilities to use them in the upcoming levels of their career . Change the verb form
manage
As well
, if Rephrase
Also
this
works be
related to the public Correct subject-verb agreement
work is
that
can lead to Correct pronoun usage
it
a
social dissatisfaction .
Remove the article
apply
Overal
, I can agree with these events on the condition that there will be a purpose Correct your spelling
Overall
of
doing it and help young people to use them in the future .Change preposition
for
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task response
The essay starts by introducing the topic, but the introduction could be more engaging and clear. Try to provide a clearer thesis statement that outlines your stance and what the essay will discuss.
coherence cohesion
The logical structure of the essay can be improved by clearly defining each paragraph's main point and ensuring it flows seamlessly to the next. Make sure that each point is directly connected to your main argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear topic sentence that controls the content of the paragraph and ties back to the main argument. This will enhance the cohesion of your essay.
task response
The conclusion is somewhat abrupt. A more developed conclusion summarizing the main points discussed and clearly stating your final stance would improve the essay's overall effectiveness.
task response
Error in spelling and grammar needs to be addressed. Proofreading for these issues can help improve overall clarity and readability.
task response
Use more specific examples to strengthen your argument. This will make your essay more persuasive and demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic.
task response
The essay presents a balanced view, discussing both potential advantages and disadvantages of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay shows an attempt to logically structure the discussion, with different points separated into distinct paragraphs.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.