IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that it is best to accept a bad situation, such as an unsatisfactory job or shortage of money. Others argue that it is better to try and improve such situations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, a group of
people
Use synonyms
 suggest that
due to
Linking Words
 having a permanent job and salary, it is better to get
along with
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 a bad working situation. Others believe in order to progress in
life
Use synonyms
 and have a better lifestyle, it is a good option to try to
change
Use synonyms
 unsatisfactory situations. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, both will be explored. One of the main reasons why many do not want to
change
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 their hard working conditions is to have a permanent income. Most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
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 have families who should be supported financially and socially. Having a job with a guaranteed monthly income and
insurance's
Change noun form
insurance
show examples
 benefits will help individuals to make a living with regular standards. If
people
Use synonyms
 complain about their low income or unsatisfactory working environment, it is highly likely that they will lose their jobs, which leads to various financial problems in their lives.
Thus
Linking Words
, working in these uncomfortable situations and having low incomes may be something that at least
allow
Change the verb form
allows
show examples
 some
people
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 to have a
life
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 with
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 concerns.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, a group of
people
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 believe in order to have a more comfortable
life
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 and be happier, it is better to
change
Use synonyms
 an unsatisfactory situation. Many individuals want to progress in their careers and benefit from their various financial opportunities. These
people
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 cannot tolerate bad conditions, since they
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 of it as a
hinderance
Correct your spelling
hindrance
 to
have
Wrong verb form
having
show examples
 an ideal
life
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.
Thus
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, they make
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
 to
change
Use synonyms
 it in a way that guarantees their progress and high incomes. With more money, These
people
Use synonyms
 can send their children to well-known schools and provide the best of everything for their family members. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 many
peolple
Correct your spelling
people
 are interested in tolerating a bad situation
due to
Linking Words
 having the
least
Correct word choice
lowest
show examples
 standards of living, trying to
change
Use synonyms
 and improve it can lead to a more comfortable
life
Use synonyms
 and a better living condition.

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coherence
Make sure to keep your ideas clear and easy to follow. Use clearer topic sentences for paragraphs.
task achievement
Try to include more examples to support your points. This will help explain your ideas better.
task achievement
The essay presents both views on the topic, which is good for task achievement.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adversity
  • resilience
  • stoicism
  • contentment
  • cope
  • adapt
  • endure
  • persevere
  • settle
  • ambition
  • tenacious
  • determined
  • resourceful
  • optimistic
  • self-improvement
  • proactive
  • initiative
  • transform
  • overcome
  • confront
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