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Band 3.5

Some people think that fittest and strongest individuals and the team can achieve success in sports, while others believe that success depends on mental attitude. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #individuals #team #success #sports #attitude
Both
 of these ideas can be debated widely.if you have
fitteset
Correct article usage
a fitteset
show examples
 and
strongest
Replace the word
strong
show examples
 body but
mentally
Add a missing verb
are mentally
show examples
week
Correct your spelling
weak
show examples
,that might lead to
failures
Fix the agreement mistake
failure
show examples
,cause an individual might
loose
Replace the word
lose
show examples
 their confidence and have too much stress which
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can change the results.
on the other hand
 if a person
mentally
Add a missing verb
is mentally
show examples
 strong and stable but physically weak , that might lead towards imperfect results.
besides
this
 situation will
changes
Wrong verb form
change
show examples
 in the sense that if it's a solo
player
 or it's a
team
 .I believe that when you're in a
team
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mental status is more important.a
team
player
 who has a better mindset and can focus and think fast
work
Correct subject-verb agreement
works
show examples
 better in a
team
 meanwhile
this
 person isn't the fittest or strongest .it can be beneficial for the
team
 in a certain ways which
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 the
team
 to victory .
on the other hand
this
 situation is different in a solo
player
.in
fact
Add a comma
fact,
show examples
 there's more pressure
both
 mentally and physically on a solo
player
.cause
Correct your spelling
because
 no one is there to cover his imperfections.
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 I assume
this
 topic needs more
research based
Add a hyphen
research-based
show examples
 discussion to help us get the best results in any form of sports but as an individual personally
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
show examples
 a
player
 needs to work on
both
 aspects and improve as much as he or she can meanwhile we have so many examples of
both
 ideas that they were champions so
this
 topic can be debated in many different ways.
Submitted by sheidafarahbakhsh36 on

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coherence cohesion
Make sure each sentence flows logically to the next, and use transition words to connect ideas. For example, 'However', 'Therefore', and 'Also' can help create a smoother reading experience.
task achievement
For a higher score, develop each main point with specific examples and detailed explanations. This will help demonstrate a deeper understanding of the topic and make your argument more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Complete your essay with a clear introduction that outlines both views, and a conclusion that summarizes your opinion succinctly. This will make your structure more evident to the reader.
task achievement
You've demonstrated an understanding of both viewpoints and presented your own opinion, which indicates you can engage with the topic.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion reinforces your opinion and attempts to tie together the essay's main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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