IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many people nowadays spend a large part most their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, humans prefer to spend their leisure time with their phones. I believe
this
Linking Words
 issue is caused by the rapid acceleration of technology and the fact that
people
Use synonyms
 are gradually more dependent on it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, these changes are good because smartphones help
people
Use synonyms
 detach from routines.
However
Linking Words
, the downfall is that individuals begin to lack hobbies. Some may think that the appearance of gadgets on the market revolutionized the world for the better.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the virtual world created on the screen helps
people
Use synonyms
 vanish from their real-life problems,
from
Correct word choice
and from
show examples
 their surroundings and gives them some moments of peace.
For instance
Linking Words
, “
Tik Tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
” is one of the most popular applications.
This
Linking Words
 is because, contrary to other apps
such
Linking Words
 as “YouTube”, its role is to never let the audience get bored. So, “Tik Tok” shows short,
funnyand
Correct your spelling
funny and
 inspirational videos which only
last
Linking Words
 a few seconds, but give an enormous energy boost.
Overall
Linking Words
, smartphones ensure a short trip into the virtual world which is well-needed sometimes. Others may think that gadgets are an addiction for today's society. A reason for that might be the fact that some users get so caught up in virtual reality, that they forget about the one they actually live in. Hobbies begin to disappear and,
together with
Linking Words
 them,
people
Use synonyms
 begin to lack identities.
For example
Linking Words
, there are multiple cases of children with severe anger issues that do not have life experience. If they do not have adequate screen time, kids become bored fast and eventually find it hard to fit
with
Change preposition
in with
show examples
 their other peers. In conclusion, I believe any type of excess is bad for society’s mental health. Phones can represent a good leisure activity
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 if a certain screen time is respected.
Linking Words
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
show examples
 it can lead to serious
conseqences
Correct your spelling
consequences
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that ideas are fully explained and not just mentioned briefly. For example, further elaborate on how smartphones help people detach from routines.
task achievement
Add a few more relevant examples to support your points. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all sentences flow logically from one to the next. While your essay is generally cohesive, there are a few minor areas where transitions could be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly frame your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are supported with relevant specific examples, like the mention of Tik Tok.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task effectively, discussing reasons for smartphone use and its positive and negative impacts.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
What to do next:
Look at other essays: