Many people nowadays spend a large part most their free time using a smartphone. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In
this
day and age, humans prefer to spend their leisure time with their phones. I believe
this
issue is caused by the rapid acceleration of technology and the fact that
people
are gradually more dependent on it.
Moreover
, these changes are good because smartphones help
people
detach from routines.
However
, the downfall is that individuals begin to lack hobbies. Some may think that the appearance of gadgets on the market revolutionized the world for the better.
Additionally
, the virtual world created on the screen helps
people
vanish from their real-life problems,
from
Correct word choice
and from
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their surroundings and gives them some moments of peace.
For instance
, “
Tik Tok
Correct your spelling
TikTok
show examples
” is one of the most popular applications.
This
is because, contrary to other apps
such
as “YouTube”, its role is to never let the audience get bored. So, “Tik Tok” shows short,
funnyand
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funny and
inspirational videos which only
last
a few seconds, but give an enormous energy boost.
Overall
, smartphones ensure a short trip into the virtual world which is well-needed sometimes. Others may think that gadgets are an addiction for today's society. A reason for that might be the fact that some users get so caught up in virtual reality, that they forget about the one they actually live in. Hobbies begin to disappear and,
together with
them,
people
begin to lack identities.
For example
, there are multiple cases of children with severe anger issues that do not have life experience. If they do not have adequate screen time, kids become bored fast and eventually find it hard to fit
with
Change preposition
in with
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their other peers. In conclusion, I believe any type of excess is bad for society’s mental health. Phones can represent a good leisure activity
,
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apply
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if a certain screen time is respected.
Otherwise
Add a comma
Otherwise,
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it can lead to serious
conseqences
Correct your spelling
consequences
.
Submitted by acaitaz on

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task achievement
Ensure that ideas are fully explained and not just mentioned briefly. For example, further elaborate on how smartphones help people detach from routines.
task achievement
Add a few more relevant examples to support your points. This will make your essay more persuasive and comprehensive.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that all sentences flow logically from one to the next. While your essay is generally cohesive, there are a few minor areas where transitions could be smoother.
coherence and cohesion
Strong introduction and conclusion that clearly frame your argument.
coherence and cohesion
Main points are supported with relevant specific examples, like the mention of Tik Tok.
task achievement
The essay addresses both parts of the task effectively, discussing reasons for smartphone use and its positive and negative impacts.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • screen time
  • digital addiction
  • instant gratification
  • multifunctional
  • connectivity
  • social networking
  • online services
  • self-expression
  • entertainment options
  • instant access
  • educational resources
  • communication tools
  • virtual interactions
  • distracted living
  • technological dependence
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