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Band 7.5

There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country
There are various forms of
music
 globally, each with unique characteristics and purposes.
Music
 plays an essential role in human life, offering emotional release and acting as a medium for cultural expression. In my opinion,
while
 international
music
 contributes to global connections, traditional
music
 remains more significant because it preserves cultural heritage and strengthens national identity. It is my view that
music
 serves as an essential tool for expression, offering individuals a means to convey emotions and thoughts.
Music
 acts as a form of emotional release, allowing
people
 to express feelings they may
otherwise
 struggle to articulate. Traditional
music
,
in particular
, holds deep cultural significance, as it embodies the values, stories, and beliefs of a society. By preserving traditional
music
, societies maintain a connection to their past, promoting a sense of cultural pride and continuity.
Furthermore
, traditional
music
 often plays an educational role, as it can convey history and moral lessons, fostering social cohesion within communities.
In contrast
, some
people
 claim that international
music
 is more valuable in today's interconnected world
due to
 its role in promoting globalization and cultural exchange. They firmly insist that the popularity of international
music
 fosters understanding among diverse cultures, uniting
people
 across borders.
However
, I do not find
this
 argument convincing as it overlooks the risk of cultural homogenization, where traditional
music
 could be overshadowed by global trends.
Although
 international
music
 can bring
people
 together, it does not necessarily reflect the unique values of any specific culture.
Therefore
, prioritizing traditional
music
 over international
music
 is essential to maintain cultural diversity. In conclusion, I completely agree with the view that traditional
music
 is more important than international
music
 because it serves as a crucial means of preserving cultural heritage and fostering national identity.
While
 international
music
 facilitates global connection, traditional
music
 remains irreplaceable in upholding the cultural legacy of a nation.
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example suggestions
Incorporate more specific examples or anecdotes to enhance the support of your main points.
cohesion improvement
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to improve overall flow.
introduction
Your introduction clearly outlines the main points that the essay will address, setting a strong foundation.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively restates your main argument and provides a thoughtful closure to the essay.
balanced argument
You provide a balanced discussion by acknowledging the role of both traditional and international music.
topic sentences
The use of clear topic sentences helps to guide the reader through your arguments effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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