There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

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There are various forms of

music

Use synonyms

globally, each with unique characteristics and purposes.

Music

Use synonyms

plays an essential role in human life, offering emotional release and acting as a medium for cultural expression. In my opinion,

while

Linking Words

international

music

Use synonyms

contributes to global connections, traditional

music

Use synonyms

remains more significant because it preserves cultural heritage and strengthens national identity. It is my view that

music

Use synonyms

serves as an essential tool for expression, offering individuals a means to convey emotions and thoughts.

Music

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acts as a form of emotional release, allowing

people

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to express feelings they may

otherwise

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struggle to articulate. Traditional

music

Use synonyms

in particular

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, holds deep cultural significance, as it embodies the values, stories, and beliefs of a society. By preserving traditional

music

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, societies maintain a connection to their past, promoting a sense of cultural pride and continuity.

Furthermore

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, traditional

music

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often plays an educational role, as it can convey history and moral lessons, fostering social cohesion within communities.

In contrast

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, some

people

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claim that international

music

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is more valuable in today's interconnected world

due to

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its role in promoting globalization and cultural exchange. They firmly insist that the popularity of international

music

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fosters understanding among diverse cultures, uniting

people

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across borders.

However

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, I do not find

this

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argument convincing as it overlooks the risk of cultural homogenization, where traditional

music

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could be overshadowed by global trends.

Although

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international

music

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can bring

people

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together, it does not necessarily reflect the unique values of any specific culture.

Therefore

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, prioritizing traditional

music

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over international

music

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is essential to maintain cultural diversity. In conclusion, I completely agree with the view that traditional

music

Use synonyms

is more important than international

music

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because it serves as a crucial means of preserving cultural heritage and fostering national identity.

While

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international

music

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facilitates global connection, traditional

music

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remains irreplaceable in upholding the cultural legacy of a nation.

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example suggestions

Incorporate more specific examples or anecdotes to enhance the support of your main points.

cohesion improvement

Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to improve overall flow.

introduction

Your introduction clearly outlines the main points that the essay will address, setting a strong foundation.

conclusion

The conclusion effectively restates your main argument and provides a thoughtful closure to the essay.

balanced argument

You provide a balanced discussion by acknowledging the role of both traditional and international music.

topic sentences

The use of clear topic sentences helps to guide the reader through your arguments effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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10
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

306 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

emotional release
cultural significance
globalization
cultural exchange
technology
preservation
cultural heritage
social cohesion
expression
consumption
production
traditional music
international music
diversity
identity

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There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Many today feel that attention spans are becoming shorter due to the prevalence of social media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

More and more people in developed countries are purchasing cars for the first time. What problem dose this cause? What do you think is a possible solution?

In order to reduce crime, we need to attack the causes of crime such as poverty and lack of educational opportunities. It is enough to simply have more police on the street and put more people into prison. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Many people choose natural healing methods, such as acupuncture and massage therapy to recover from illness. Others prefer to use pharmaceutical drugs prescribe by their doctor for their aliments.