In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?
School graduates are considered to be really excited about their future life, even though there is a plethora of potential
problems
, that can be related to their university studying. While
some people claim, that living with family has much more benefits than living in another city, others believe, that studying in another town has more advantages. In my personal opinion, staying in a person's hometown is more beneficial for freshmen rather than moving to a new place for the study process.
Notwithstanding the possible difficulties in freshman's life university studying is expected to be a very fascinating period. At the beginning of academic days, a new student may face many problems
, starting from getting acquainted with writing the first thesis. During that time a
great support from an individual's relatives may greatly help them to cope with some challenges. Remove the article
apply
Moreover
, dwelling together with
a family means much less spending on someone's daily basis because there will always be financial assistance from parents. Therefore
all mentioned factors can directly impact an undergraduate's condition and their mental health since a person's family members should always back up them to help in crucial moments.
Nevertheless
being under the wings of relatives may not only have benefits due to
several reasons. Firstly
, living in a new place allows a freshman to explore their life from a new perspective. For example
, if a fresh student, staying away from a family, runs into problems
, they will deal with challenging situations with their own experience. But if a person stayed in a hometown, they would rather to
ask for Remove the marker
apply
a
help from their parents, than Remove the article
apply
to
take advantage of an opportunity to become more self-sufficient.
Fix the infinitive
apply
Overall
, I believe, that choosing a hometown university is a better way to start their adulthood, than staying alone and coping with problems
by yourself.Submitted by staciia_ju on
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task achievement
While your introduction sets up the argument well, try to ensure it is free of grammatical errors and clearly presents your thesis. For example, simplify complex sentences to avoid confusion. Consider revising the sentence: 'While some people claim, that living with family has much more benefits than living in another city, others believe, that studying in another town has more advantages.'
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and that all sub-points relate directly back to it. For instance, you could merge some of your supporting details to make your main points stronger. Consider using clearer topic sentences and transitions between your ideas.
task achievement
Include more relevant and specific examples to support your arguments. For instance, provide real-life scenarios or more detailed hypothetical situations. An example related to 'less spending on a daily basis' or 'financial assistance from parents' could strengthen your argument.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and attempts to address both sides of the argument. This is quite important for a balanced Task Response.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure is coherent, with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Additionally, your ideas show logical progression.
task achievement
You express relevant and clear ideas about the potential benefits and disadvantages of living at home or away during university years.
coherence cohesion
Your usage of vocabulary is varied and appropriate. This supports the clarity of your argument and adds depth to your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example