IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

19. Some people think that zoos are cruel and all zoos should be closed. However, some people think zoo can help protect animals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
Some commoners believe that zoos are cruel and should be permanently closed.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, some think that a
zoo
Use synonyms
 business helps
animals
Use synonyms
 to be protected. I partially agree with both statements. The reasons and supports for these views will be discussed below.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
one of the most common reasons why a
zoo
Use synonyms
 is opposed by many is grounding the wildlife in a limited area which leads them to be weak and lack survival skills in nature
accordingly
Linking Words
.
For example
Linking Words
, BBC News reported that 80 per cent of
animals
Use synonyms
 which have been captured in a
zoo
Use synonyms
 since they were born can't survive in a forest and need to be brought back to a
zoo
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a lot of
zoo
Use synonyms
 businesses don't provide enough food and proper habitat to their
animals
Use synonyms
 which makes them be left alone and die eventually.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
zoo
Use synonyms
 businesses
also
Linking Words
 support the existence of a few rare creatures in the world.
This
Linking Words
 helps the society to recognize and protect species that are nearly extinct. To illustrate
this
Linking Words
, a New York Times poll revealed that 70 per cent of
zoo
Use synonyms
 visitors get a chance to know some types of
animals
Use synonyms
 that are hard to find nowadays and donate some pennies to a charity about animal conservation.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, a
zoo
Use synonyms
 is not only of activities that aid a child's development but
also
Linking Words
 creates awareness of other living things in the world.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are some individuals having the same idea that zoos abuse
animals
Use synonyms
 and should be shut down because most grounded
animals
Use synonyms
 cannot make a living in nature and don't get appropriate nursing.
However
Linking Words
, zoos' existence keeps rescuing the decreased number of conservative
animals
Use synonyms
 by making people realize what species should be protected.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that your essay consistently addresses the prompt and explores both views comprehensively. You have done this well; however, the introduction of the essay could explicitly state your partial agreement and express your thesis clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Using signposting language can help clarify connections between ideas. A more distinct transition between arguments can enhance readability.
task response
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion of both perspectives on zoos, and the conclusion synthesizes the essay's main points well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates logical structuring with separate paragraphs devoted to different viewpoints, keeping the reader well-oriented.
task response
Relevant examples are provided to support your arguments, such as referencing news reports to back up claims about the animals' survival and visitor statistics in zoos.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: