IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

19. Some people think that zoos are cruel and all zoos should be closed. However, some people think zoo can help protect animals. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Some commoners believe that zoos are cruel and should be permanently closed.
Nevertheless
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, some think that a
zoo
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 business helps
animals
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 to be protected. I partially agree with both statements. The reasons and supports for these views will be discussed below.
First,
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one of the most common reasons why a
zoo
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 is opposed by many is grounding the wildlife in a limited area which leads them to be weak and lack survival skills in nature
accordingly
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.
For example
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, BBC News reported that 80 per cent of
animals
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 which have been captured in a
zoo
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 since they were born can't survive in a forest and need to be brought back to a
zoo
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.
Moreover
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, a lot of
zoo
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 businesses don't provide enough food and proper habitat to their
animals
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 which makes them be left alone and die eventually.
On the other hand
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,
zoo
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 businesses
also
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 support the existence of a few rare creatures in the world.
This
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 helps the society to recognize and protect species that are nearly extinct. To illustrate
this
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, a New York Times poll revealed that 70 per cent of
zoo
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 visitors get a chance to know some types of
animals
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 that are hard to find nowadays and donate some pennies to a charity about animal conservation.
Furthermore
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, a
zoo
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 is not only of activities that aid a child's development but
also
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 creates awareness of other living things in the world.
To conclude
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, there are some individuals having the same idea that zoos abuse
animals
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 and should be shut down because most grounded
animals
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 cannot make a living in nature and don't get appropriate nursing.
However
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, zoos' existence keeps rescuing the decreased number of conservative
animals
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 by making people realize what species should be protected.

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task response
Ensure that your essay consistently addresses the prompt and explores both views comprehensively. You have done this well; however, the introduction of the essay could explicitly state your partial agreement and express your thesis clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Work on ensuring that each paragraph flows logically into the next. Using signposting language can help clarify connections between ideas. A more distinct transition between arguments can enhance readability.
task response
Your introduction effectively sets up the discussion of both perspectives on zoos, and the conclusion synthesizes the essay's main points well.
coherence and cohesion
The essay demonstrates logical structuring with separate paragraphs devoted to different viewpoints, keeping the reader well-oriented.
task response
Relevant examples are provided to support your arguments, such as referencing news reports to back up claims about the animals' survival and visitor statistics in zoos.
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