In some countries, more a more people are hiring a personal fitness trainer, rather than playing sports or doing exercise classes. What are the reason for this? Is this a positive or a negative development?

The essay should describe why
people
rather
are hiring
Wrong verb form
hire
show examples
a personal fitness
trainer
than
playing
Wrong verb form
play
show examples
sports or
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
exercise
classes
.
Firstly
,
finally
Add a comma
finally,
show examples
more and more
people
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
to take care
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
body
Fix the agreement mistake
bodies
show examples
.
However
, they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
more effective
result
Fix the agreement mistake
results
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
time
, they don´t have lots of free
time
for their personal activities and rather take a personal fitness
trainer
, who
take
Correct subject-verb agreement
takes
show examples
care only
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
their
body
and offers
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
private training with
include
Correct subject-verb agreement
includes
show examples
for example
healty
Correct your spelling
healthy
health
diet what is
also
a
lot
important for their
body
and the
last
feedbacks. You can
before
Capitalize word
Before
show examples
start
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
the training
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
aggre
Correct your spelling
agree
with your
trainer
which
Change preposition
about which
show examples
results you want to get
for example
after 3 or 6 months.
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
you have more opinions with the personal
trainer
than if you doing only
exercise
classes
and playing sports.
Secondly
, each sides have
yours
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
positive and negative developments.
For example
, the personal
trainer
can be
for
Correct quantifier usage
more for
show examples
a
lot
of
people
so expensive than the
exercise
classes
,
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
the
trainer
should teach you how more
effective
Change the word
effectively
show examples
you can
exercise
each part of your
body
, it is
big
Add an article
a big
show examples
benefit for you. And next, you can
lost
Change the verb form
lose
be lost
show examples
a
lot
of
weights
Fix the agreement mistake
weight
show examples
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
short
Correct article usage
a short
show examples
time
and you can
aggree
Correct your spelling
agree
the personal
trainig
Correct your spelling
training
if you have free
time
-
whit
Correct your spelling
with
show examples
this
you save a
lot
of
your
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time
than you have to visit
sport
Fix the agreement mistake
sports
show examples
/
exercise
classess
Correct your spelling
classes
only in
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
specific
time
. For some
people
is so
importat
Correct your spelling
important
to do
exercise
without other
people
and have
time
for yourself, but for some
people
,it is better to meet with 10 -15
people
during the
classes
. In conclusion, it depends what are your pluses and minuses and
than
Replace the word
then
show examples
you can
choise
Correct your spelling
choose
what you want. In the
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
world
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
a
lot
of opinions
what
Change preposition
about what
show examples
you can do.
Submitted by andrea.kroupova on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct point that supports your main argument. This will improve logical structure and coherence.
coherence cohesion
Work on your transitions between ideas and paragraphs to improve the overall flow and cohesion of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to clearly summarize your points in the conclusion and link them back to the question. This will strengthen your task response and the introduction-conclusion connection.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to illustrate your points. This will enhance the relevance and clarity of your ideas.
task achievement
Correct grammar and spelling errors to make your essay more polished and improve clarity.
task achievement
You have a good understanding of the topic and have tried to address both parts of the question.
task achievement
You present some clear reasons and contrasting viewpoints, which adds depth to your essay.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: