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Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people say that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while other believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #school #reward #students #show #results #improvements
Schools are the best place to achieve a good career
.where
Correct your spelling
where
 we can see many
students
they
Correct pronoun usage
who
show examples
 may be academically intelligent or not .
Although
Correct word choice
However
show examples
,few people believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
 should give
award
Fix the agreement mistake
awards
show examples
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
students
 who acquire achievements in their curriculum.
Whereas
 ,some people
conversely
 think that academies should offer
gift
Fix the agreement mistake
gifts
show examples
 for
students
 ,who show progress in their
studies
.But I strongly agree with the first statement.
This
 essay will articulate both views and predominant reasons for agreement in detail
along with
 a relevant conclusion. To commence with, some parents argue that institutions should distribute
prize
Fix the agreement mistake
prizes
show examples
 for talented
students
.
Because
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 kind of method can influence the attitude towards the study which
helped
Wrong verb form
helps
show examples
 the listeners to indulge in
studies
.
Moreover
,
students
 can understand it is their responsibility to study and they can create a good future ahead.
Furthermore
,
this
 kind of attitude
inspire
Change the verb form
inspires
show examples
 them to study well. To illustrate, when I was a student, I received
donation
Add an article
a donation
the donation
show examples
 for first rank.
This
 helped me to concentrate on
studies
Correct pronoun usage
my studies
show examples
 and achieve more scholarships.
On the other hand
, some faults opine that learners who show changes in
studies
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 must provide
grant
Fix the agreement mistake
grants
show examples
. I think it is not a good attitude
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 because
students
 will think that
this
 much is enough to earn
reward
Add an article
a reward
the reward
show examples
.They never
give
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
studies
.
This
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on their lives.
For instance
,
according to
 the survey, 25
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of
students
 show less interest to reach on the top rank. In conclusion,
reward
Fix the agreement mistake
rewards
show examples
 should
give
Wrong verb form
be given
show examples
students
Change preposition
to students
show examples
 ,who deserve
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and encourage other
students
 to reach
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a top rank. Both views influence
students
 positively or negatively .So I strongly agree with
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 statement.
Submitted by saniyasaniya4628 on

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coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clearly defined, making your essay well-structured.
task achievement
You use a relevant personal example to support your argument, enhancing the credibility of your claims.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • academic excellence
  • growth mindset
  • significant improvement
  • high academic standards
  • personal development
  • diverse learning paces
  • competitive academic environment
  • hard work and talent
  • supportive environment
  • inclusive
  • acknowledge
  • showcase
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