computers are being used more and more in education . some people say that this is a posetive trend, while othes arguue that it is leading to negeative consequence discuss bothview and give your opinion

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Without
adoubt
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a doubt
doubt

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,
computers
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, in recent decades, have played a crucial role in our life.
However
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,
while
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

some
indiviuals
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individuals

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believe that
this
Linking Words

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is a
benefical
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beneficial

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change, I agree with those who argue that using
computers
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has
a
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apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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determental
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detrimental

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outcomes because it
effects
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affects

The word effects doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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on
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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both physical and mental health. On the one hand, it could be argued that being able to
use
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

devices like
computers
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

has
advaned
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advanced

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our education in
cetain
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certain

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respects. The
greates
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greatest

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benefit is that when some
ultilize
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utilise

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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers

It seems that computer may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in
educatio
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education

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,they can work at
best
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the best

The noun phrase best company seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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company in the world since by using
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
comuters
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computers

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, they can easily access
to
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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top-ranked
unvierity
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university

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, and taking online
couses
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courses

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would help them to improve their resume, so once they
grauduate
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graduate

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, they have a chance to hire at
Add an article
the well

The noun phrase well known company seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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well known
Add a hyphen
well-known

It appears that well known is missing a hyphen. Consider adding the hyphen(s).

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company around the world by
sumbitting
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submitting

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their Cv.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, it seems that
,
Remove the comma
apply

It appears that you have an unnecessary comma after the subordinating conjunction that. Consider removing the comma.

show examples
computers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are
convient
Correct your spelling
convenient

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.
For instance
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

,
instead
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

of different books that ought to
buy
Wrong verb form
be bought

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb buy. Consider changing it.

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, they can
use
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

their
comuprte
Correct your spelling
computer

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, so they
are not worry
Change the verb form
are not worried

It appears that the form of the verb worry does not work with are in this sentence.

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about which books should they buy, as material usage
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is

It seems that the verb are does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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avaiable
Correct your spelling
available

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for them
in
Change preposition
on

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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their computer whenever they want.
However
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I think that there are arguments to show that
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
comuters
Correct your spelling
computers
commuters

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have a negative
impcat
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impact

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on education. One issue is that if people
use
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

computers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, their eyes get
dries
Replace the word
dry

The word dries doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
.
For example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, I had an
experince
Correct your spelling
experience

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when I was
studyin
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studying

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for a Tofel exam my eyes
werer
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were

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dired
Correct your spelling
dried

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, and a doctor advised me to
use
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

eye-drops
Correct your spelling
eye drops

The word eye-drops doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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. Even worse, in my opinion, people can lose their
fouce
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force
focus

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on
subject
Add an article
the subject

The noun phrase subject seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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due to
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

the fact that they might get
distrubtes
Correct your spelling
distracted

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by other sites or
application
Fix the agreement mistake
applications

It seems that application may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
. The most damaging aspect is cost. Some,
for example
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, live in
Add an article
the low-incom
a low-incom
show examples
Add an article
the low-incom
a low-incom

The noun phrase low-incom family seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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low-incom
Correct your spelling
low-income
family can not afford to buy
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
comuters
Correct your spelling
computers
commuters

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for their
accademic
Correct your spelling
academic

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goal. As
aresult
Correct your spelling
a result

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, they get disappointed to follow their education. To
sume
Correct your spelling
sum

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up,
althogh
Correct your spelling
although

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it is undeniable that
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
comuters
Correct your spelling
computers
commuters

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help people to secure better
carrer
Correct your spelling
careers

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for themselves, it has
effect
Add an article
an effect

The noun phrase effect seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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on
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families

It seems that family may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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who suffer from
fincial
Correct your spelling
financial

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situation
Fix the agreement mistake
situations

It seems that situation may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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.
Therefore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, on balance, I
belive
Correct your spelling
believe

The word belive doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
that
computers
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are
importain
Correct your spelling
important

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that we can not
ignor
Correct your spelling
ignore

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.

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spelling
Work on improving your spelling and typing accuracy. Errors such as 'determental' instead of 'detrimental', 'effects' instead of 'affects', and 'dried' instead of 'dry' can be distracting for the reader and lower your score.
introduction
The introduction could be clearer and more concise. Consider briefly mentioning both viewpoints without extensive explanation, and then state your opinion clearly.
coherence
Enhance the use of linking words and transitional phrases to improve the logical structure and flow of your arguments. Phrases like 'on the other hand' are useful but using a variety can make your essay more engaging.
supporting examples
Your essay could benefit from more detailed and specific examples to support the points made. For instance, you could provide more figures or studies when discussing the health effects of computers.
conclusion
Develop the conclusion by summarizing the main arguments more effectively and restating your opinion clearly. Make sure it encapsulates the whole essay and doesn't introduce new points.
task response
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, which is crucial for this type of task. You have provided reasoning for both perspectives and your own opinion.
clarity
Clear ideas are presented in each paragraph, demonstrating an organized approach to each point of view and your own stance.
coherence
You have made a good attempt to use transitional phrases such as 'on the one hand,' 'however,' and 'even worse,' which helps to guide the reader through your argument.
task response
Acknowledging the financial burden on low-income families adds depth to the discussion of the negative aspects of computer use in education.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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