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Band 7

Question：more students study abroad to learn new things today do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages？

#question：more #students #study #disadvantages？
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Nowadays, many
students
 choose to study abroad to gain new experiences. From my perspective, the benefits of studying abroad outweigh the drawbacks. On the one hand, studying in another country offers several advantages. One significant benefit is the opportunity to learn new skills and improve language proficiency.
For example
,
students
 who study abroad often use English more frequently, which can enhance their language skills and open up more job opportunities in the future. In my own experience, I spent three weeks in Brisbane, Australia, attending an English preparation camp for university tests. Since
then
, I have become more comfortable with English.
Additionally
,
students
 gain valuable experience by interacting with people from diverse backgrounds, which can be beneficial when they return to their home country.
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks to studying abroad.
Students
 may experience homesickness or struggle to adapt to a new culture.
Moreover
, studying abroad can be costly, with expenses including travel tickets and living costs.
For instance
, a friend of mine received a scholarship for one semester in Japan, but his parents couldn't afford the additional expenses for the second semester and travel.
As a result
, he had to continue his studies in his home country.
Additionally
,
students
 may face challenges navigating unfamiliar environments. In conclusion, I believe that the advantages of studying abroad—
such
 as acquiring new skills, improving language proficiency, and gaining valuable experiences—outweigh the disadvantages.
The exposure
Correct article usage
Exposure
show examples
 to different cultures and perspectives enriches
students
' lives and can be highly beneficial
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their personal and professional growth.
Submitted by napatnp18065322 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses all parts of the task, providing a clear position and well-supported arguments. However, you could enhance your task response by providing more depth in your analysis of the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
You have a logical structure that flows well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. To improve, ensure that each paragraph has a strong topic sentence and that all sentences contribute to the main point.
introduction conclusion present
Your essay has a clear and relevant introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
supported main points
You provide relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as your personal experience in Australia and your friend's experience in Japan, which add credibility to your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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