IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that the best way to improve road safety is to increase the minimum legal age for driving cars or motor-bikes. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that it is of vital importance to obtain a clean
as well as
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 organized home and workplace.
This
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 essay agrees with
this
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 view and it is my firm belief that
this
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 improves work efficiency and reduces stress.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 who live or work in a tidy place are proven to be more efficient.
This
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 is simply because they spend less time searching for important items they need.
As a result
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, they can allocate more time to the necessary things,
such
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 as completing tasks or meeting deadlines.
Consequently
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,
this
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 allows individuals to be more productive, which can be beneficial in a workplace or educational environment.
For example
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, research has shown that students, who complete their homework at a well-organized workplace in their home, tend to achieve better grades in school.
Furthermore
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, prioritising tidiness can
also
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 reduce the level of stress that
people
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 experience in their daily day life.
That is
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 to say, tidy and clean spaces at home or at work contribute to a sense of calm and control.
Consequently
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,
this
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 mitigates anxiety and the feeling of being stressed, which is particularly important for
people
Use synonyms
 who suffer from mental health issues.
For instance
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, psychologists recommend getting into a routine of tidying up their desks immediately after they use it, as a prophylaxis for panic attacks. In conclusion,
this
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 essay has shown that being mindful
about
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of
show examples
 cleanliness is essential if
people
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 want to improve their efficiency and counteract the exposure to stress. In my opinion, being organized is crucial for these very reasons.

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task achievement
While your essay presents a clear and comprehensive response to the task, it could benefit from a more nuanced discussion of potential counterarguments. For example, you could discuss possible benefits of other methods of improving road safety, or explain why increasing the minimum legal age is more effective than other methods.
coherence and cohesion
Although your ideas are logically structured and well-organized, try to carefully ensure all ideas flow logically from one to the next, and that transitions between paragraphs are slightly more seamless.
task achievement
Your essay presents coherent and relevant main ideas, and you support these ideas with specific examples and evidence.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay is well-organized, featuring a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your ideas are expressed in a logical sequence.
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