In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

#countries #world #people #cities #population #countryside #development

A big city offers so many opportunities for citizens. Because of that reason, urbanisation become massive nowadays. In my opinion,

this

situation could lead to a negative development of the rural area.

This

essay will explore my statement for two main reasons.

Firstly

cities

will witness overpopulation. It is very common for

people

to commute from their home to the office by transportation if there are so many

people

in one place it is supposed to be congestion. Public places

such

as hospitals, schools, and restaurants should broaden their capacity because if there is not enough space it will take longer for

people

to queue.

Moreover

, it is very stressful for

people

to wait for a long time and it could lead to mental issues.

Secondly

, economic growth in villages will not evolve. The amount of transactions will decrease because there are less of supplies and demands.

Additionally

, the stock that

people

have in the village will move out to

cities

. Producers and suppliers only create new stuff in limited amounts. It makes sellers in the rural area hardly get new items.

Furthermore

, more

people

will suffer from unemployment, they will not receive a salary so they cannot buy products. In conclusion, despite its benefits, there are many drawbacks that could arise

such

as overpopulation and declining economic growth in rural areas. I firmly believe if

people

still moving from the suburbs to the centre of

cities

could lead a negative development. The impact is not only for the

cities

or the villages but

also

for the citizens itself.

Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on Sat Aug 24 2024

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coherence cohesion

Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, there could be improvement in the logical structure and flow of the essay. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.

task achievement

Expand on your ideas with more specific examples. This will make your argument stronger and more relatable.

coherence cohesion

Try to avoid repetitive words and phrases. This will improve the clarity and readability of your essay.

task achievement

Provide a more thorough analysis to ensure that your ideas are detailed and comprehensive.

coherence cohesion

You have successfully presented a clear thesis statement in your introduction, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.

task achievement

Your essay addresses the prompt directly, and you have provided relevant points in support of your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

259 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

rural-to-urban migration
population shift
positive impact
negative impact
urbanization
job opportunities
access to education
access to healthcare
urban infrastructure
rural traditions
cultural heritage

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In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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