In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development

A big city offers so many opportunities for citizens. Because of that reason, urbanisation become massive nowadays. In my opinion,
this
situation could lead to a negative development of the rural area.
This
essay will explore my statement for two main reasons.
Firstly
,
cities
will witness overpopulation. It is very common for
people
to commute from their home to the office by transportation if there are so many
people
in one place it is supposed to be congestion. Public places
such
as hospitals, schools, and restaurants should broaden their capacity because if there is not enough space it will take longer for
people
to queue.
Moreover
, it is very stressful for
people
to wait for a long time and it could lead to mental issues.
Secondly
, economic growth in villages will not evolve. The amount of transactions will decrease because there are less of supplies and demands.
Additionally
, the stock that
people
have in the village will move out to
cities
. Producers and suppliers only create new stuff in limited amounts. It makes sellers in the rural area hardly get new items.
Furthermore
, more
people
will suffer from unemployment, they will not receive a salary so they cannot buy products. In conclusion, despite its benefits, there are many drawbacks that could arise
such
as overpopulation and declining economic growth in rural areas. I firmly believe if
people
still moving from the suburbs to the centre of
cities
could lead a negative development. The impact is not only for the
cities
or the villages but
also
for the citizens itself.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear introduction and conclusion, which is great. However, there could be improvement in the logical structure and flow of the essay. Make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
task achievement
Expand on your ideas with more specific examples. This will make your argument stronger and more relatable.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid repetitive words and phrases. This will improve the clarity and readability of your essay.
task achievement
Provide a more thorough analysis to ensure that your ideas are detailed and comprehensive.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully presented a clear thesis statement in your introduction, and your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly, and you have provided relevant points in support of your opinion.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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