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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastal area called Pentland from 1950 to 2007. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the diagrams below.

The diagram below shows the changes, which took place in a coastal area called Pentland from 1950 to 2007. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the diagrams below.
#changes #place #area #pentland #report #university #lecturer #diagrams
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The two maps illustrate the changes
occurred
Correct pronoun usage
that occurred
show examples
 in a coastal
area
Use synonyms
 called Portland, between 1950 and 2007.
Overall
Linking Words
, Portland underwent significant development over the 57 years, with several new facilities constructed, existing ones demolished, and wide natural areas removed. In 1950, there were few numbers of buildings and wide grasslands. A
road
Use synonyms
 went through the
area
Use synonyms
started
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from a sea
it
Correct your spelling
at
show examples
 the top part.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the left
side
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
road
Use synonyms
, there was an industrial
area
Use synonyms
 with just three facilities,
in addition
Linking Words
 to
grassland
Use synonyms
 in the bottom corner.
While
Linking Words
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the right
side
Use synonyms
 of the
road
Use synonyms
, there
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 a car park and another
grassland
Use synonyms
. Looking ahead to 2007, additional roads
are
Wrong verb form
were
show examples
 constructed, and the industrial
area
Use synonyms
 was removed to make way for introducing a
multi-store
Correct your spelling
multi-storey
show examples
 car park, swimming pool and park. The
grassland
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left
side
Use synonyms
 of the main
road
Use synonyms
 was replaced by three shops and
cinema
Correct article usage
a cinema
show examples
, separated by a new
road
Use synonyms
. There were remark changes in the right
side
Use synonyms
 of the
road
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
, apartments complex is built alongside the right costal,
while
Linking Words
 on the bottom
corner
Add a comma
corner,
show examples
 two line of houses and three shops are built,
while
Linking Words
 the old facilities and
grassland
Use synonyms
 are totally removed.
Finally
Linking Words
, A yacht marine with
Use synonyms
road
Add an article
the road
a road
show examples
 around the coastal line
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 constructed.
Submitted by aalahmad387s on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words area, road, side, grassland with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "changes" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • coastal area
  • transformation
  • landscape
  • land use
  • infrastructure
  • environmental modifications
  • residential development
  • urban living spaces
  • commercial areas
  • recreational facilities
  • economic landscape
  • green spaces
  • natural habitats
  • urban expansion
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