IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, technology has significantly affected
people
Use synonyms
's lives. One of its enhancements is in the banking field and online paying through mobile applications and the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
; in my perspective, the benefits of utilizing
such
Linking Words
 products outweigh their drawbacks. Both positive and negative points of
this
Linking Words
 subject will be discussed in the following paragraphs. Online payment through
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
 eases banking works for
people
Use synonyms
; as a serious result, there is convenience in different
bank
Use synonyms
 transactions. Doing
this
Linking Words
 means,
people
Use synonyms
 will save
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
time by not going to the
bank
Use synonyms
 in heavy traffic, so wherever they are, they can do their account
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
 and payments
such
Linking Words
 as transferring money to others, paying the cost of energy, taxes and opening a new account.
Besides
Linking Words
, carrying cash money or credit cards is risky, especially in crowded cities; they can be lost or stolen.
Therefore
Linking Words
, by using e-banks
such
Linking Words
 action can be prevented
due to
Linking Words
 the fact that all expenses of day-to-day shopping can be done through
this
Linking Words
 technology. Taking
such
Linking Words
 action,
However
Linking Words
, bears some disadvantageous points; cybercrimes are the most substantial one. If these kinds of applications do not have a high security level, users will be faced with the leakage of their data,
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 issue which provides a proper field for hackers.
In other words
Linking Words
, cybercriminals in the dark net can abuse
such
Linking Words
 pieces of information to rob users' money by transferring it to another unknown account which belongs to them.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
according to
Linking Words
 the low quality of the internet in some districts,
people
Use synonyms
's accessibility to their e-wallet will encounter some problems when they need to make some necessary payments In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 the development of
bank
Use synonyms
 apps on online platforms has some disadvantages, taking
such
Linking Words
 action benefits
people
Use synonyms
 in diverse areas. Inconvenient factors of
bank
Use synonyms
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
show examples
,
such
Linking Words
 as wasting time in queues for doing some payments, have been demolished by
this
Linking Words
 improvement.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

vocabulary
Try to use more varied vocabulary and sentence structures to enhance the sophistication of your essay. For example, instead of saying "doing this means, people will save their time," you could say "this approach allows individuals to save valuable time."
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. This can be achieved using linking words and phrases. For example, start your second paragraph with "Firstly," or "To begin with," and the third paragraph with "On the other hand," or "However," to clarify the shift in focus.
examples
Although your essay covers the main advantages and disadvantages, it could benefit from more specific examples to support your points. Concrete examples can make your arguments more compelling.
counterarguments
You should also consider addressing potential counterarguments to strengthen your essay. For example, you could mention how mobile banking apps are continually improving in security measures to counter cybercrime.
content
Your essay provides a clear and comprehensive response to the task, discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of mobile phone payments. This shows a good understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, making it easy to follow and understand.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively highlighted the main points and supported them with logical reasoning. This demonstrates a sound argumentation skill.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
What to do next:
Look at other essays: