‏Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. ‏To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

#‏some #people #music #cultures #ages #‏to

this

contemporary world,

Music

become a source of unity among individuals

regardlesss

Correct your spelling

regardless

of their belongings and ages of the human. I strongly

agreed

Wrong verb form

agree

show examples

with

this

above mentioned

Add a hyphen

above-mentioned

show examples

notion because

music

brings all humans together under one roof and

also

Add a missing verb

is also

show examples

helpfull

Correct your spelling

helpful

in the treatment of mental issues.

Music

of any generation becomes the symbol of prosperity . They

attracts

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attract

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

eithert

Correct your spelling

whether

Correct pronoun usage

they

show examples

belongs

Correct subject-verb agreement

belong

show examples

to any religion or

having

Wrong verb form

have

show examples

any culture .

Now a days

Correct the word

Nowadays

show examples

punjabi

Change the capitalization

Punjabi

show examples

music

is the most popular among youth

specially

Replace the word

especially

show examples

For instance

few

Change the article

a few

show examples

days back

Change the capitalization

show examples

got a chance to attend

the

Correct article usage

show examples

concert in

lahore

Change the capitalization

Lahore

show examples

city . people of different ages came to attend the concert mostly old and young

person

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

Crowd

Correct article usage

The crowd

show examples

consist of thousands of audience from

different

Add an article

the different

a different

show examples

community

Fix the agreement mistake

communities

show examples

sikh

Correct your spelling

Sikhs

, and some foreigners too . In recent times anxiety and stress

were

Wrong verb form

have been

show examples

more common even in

young

Correct article usage

the young

show examples

generation

due to

imbanlce

Correct your spelling

imbalances

in work-life . People work hard all

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

day and

burning

Wrong verb form

burn

show examples

the midnight to

fullfil

Correct your spelling

fulfil

the financial requirements of

family

Add an article

the family

a family

show examples

Therefore

, people

would

Verb problem

apply

show examples

love to

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

music

to lower

down

Change preposition

apply

show examples

mental stress .

Music

not only

provide

Change the verb form

provides

show examples

relief but

also

boost

Correct subject-verb agreement

boosts

show examples

Change preposition

apply

show examples

the energy to perform work more effectively .

For example

mental

Correct article usage

a mental

show examples

care hospital (Rehabilitation

center

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centre

show examples

) , there is

special

Add an article

a special

show examples

time for all the

patient

Fix the agreement mistake

patients

show examples

listen

Add the preposition

listen to

show examples

music

daily .

this

musical therapy

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

may

Correct your spelling

many

show examples

changes in their mental health.

Thus

, it is concluded that

music

bring

Change the verb form

brings

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

human

Fix the agreement mistake

humans

show examples

together and

play

Correct subject-verb agreement

plays

show examples

a healthy role in life.

Submitted by muhammadahtsham457 on Sat Aug 24 2024

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Grammar Correction

Ensure to proofread your essay to eliminate grammatical errors and improve sentence construction.

Argument Development

While your main points are relevant, clarify them further to strengthen your argument. Include more precise examples and explanations.

Coherence Improvement

Improve the logical flow of the essay. Use transition words and phrases to connect ideas and paragraphs smoothly.

Introduction

The introduction clearly states your viewpoint and sets the stage for your argument.

Examples Provided

You provided specific examples, such as the concert in Lahore, which enriches your argument and makes it relatable.

Conclusion

The conclusion succinctly summarizes your main points and restates your agreement with the idea, leaving a strong closing impression.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
48Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

250 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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‏Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. ‏To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Fully explain your ideas

Technology is being used more and more in education. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

International tourism has become a huge industry in the world. Are the problems than international travellers cause greater than the advantages they bring？ Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge of experience.

Write about the following topic: Many people go through life doing work that they hate or have no talent for. Why does this happen? What are the consequences of this situation? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have disappeared or are disappearing. What problems is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this situation?

In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country. Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?