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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that when deciding how taxpayers' money is spent, governments should prioritise health care, while others believe that there are other priorities to spend this money.Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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When determining how taxpayers' money should be allocated, governments face the crucial task of prioritizing sectors that will most effectively contribute to the well-being and development of their nations. The debate often
centers
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centres
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 around whether
health
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care
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 should take precedence over other areas of spending,
such
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 as
education
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,
infrastructure
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, or
defense
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defence
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. Both perspectives hold valid arguments, and the ideal approach may lie in finding a balanced allocation that addresses immediate needs
while
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also
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 investing in long-term national growth. On one hand, prioritizing
health
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care
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 is essential for several reasons. First and foremost,
health
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care
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 is fundamental to the quality of life. A healthy population is the backbone of a productive society; without good
health
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, individuals cannot work effectively, contribute to the economy, or lead fulfilling lives.
Moreover
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, in times of public
health
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 crises,
such
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 as pandemics, the importance of a robust healthcare system becomes glaringly evident. Governments must be prepared to respond quickly and effectively to protect the population. Investing in
health
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care
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also
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 has long-term economic benefits, as it can reduce the financial burden of chronic diseases and improve
overall
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 life expectancy, leading to a more sustainable workforce.
On the other hand
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, other sectors
also
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 demand significant attention and resources.
Education
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,
for example
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, is the cornerstone of a nation's future. Without a well-educated populace, economic growth stalls, innovation diminishes, and the country may struggle to compete on a global scale.
Infrastructure
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 development is another critical area; roads, public transport, and digital
infrastructure
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 are all necessary to support both economic activities and the daily lives of citizens.
Moreover
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, some argue that national
defense
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defence
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 should not be overlooked, as a country’s sovereignty and security are paramount in ensuring stability and peace, which are prerequisites for any form of progress. In my opinion,
while
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health
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care
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 should indeed be a priority, it should not overshadow other equally important areas. A balanced approach is necessary, where
health
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care
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 receives substantial investment but not at the expense of
education
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,
infrastructure
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, or security. A holistic strategy that ensures the population is healthy, well-educated, and living in a secure and well-connected environment is key to sustainable national development. Governments must assess their unique circumstances and allocate resources in a way that addresses both the immediate needs of their citizens and the long-term goals of the nation. In conclusion, the decision on how to allocate taxpayers' money is complex and context-dependent.
Health
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care
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 is undeniably crucial, but it should be considered as part of a broader strategy that
also
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 prioritizes
education
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,
infrastructure
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, and national security. A well-rounded investment approach will ultimately yield the best outcomes for the country and its people.

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task achievement
To further enhance task achievement, you could provide a couple of specific examples or case studies to support your arguments. For instance, mentioning how particular countries allocate their budgets could add depth to your essay.
coherence cohesion
Work on refining your logical transitions between points. Although your essay is clear, smoother transitions would improve the overall flow and reader experience.
task achievement
Your essay presents a balanced view on the topic, offering well-rounded arguments for both prioritizing healthcare and other sectors.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, making it clear what the essay will address and summarizing the key points well.
coherence cohesion
The main points in your essay are well-supported and clear, contributing to a strong overall structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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