IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human's life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #life #history #source #information
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It is a longstanding subject of debate
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
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 one should learn from
history
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, or it is no longer relevant in contemporary society.
This
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 essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
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perspectives in detail and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
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 a comprehensive opinion.
History
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 could provide valuable lessons so all of us can make
this
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 planet a better place for everyone. In
past
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the past
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 time, World War 1 and 2
which
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apply
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consumed
number
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a number
the number
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 of common
people
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people's
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 lives, only to realise that soldiers were working for a
politician
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politician's
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 agenda so they
can
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could
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 fill their own pockets. But people in modern
time
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times
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 are aware from
history
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 that politics or politicians are using their own citizens in order to make their better.
Hence
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,
protest
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protests
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 can be seen in
number
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a number
the number
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 of places like America or Europe to stop funding for the war in
middle eastern
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Middle Eastern
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 countries.
On the other hand
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, people who contend that
history
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 is insignificant to
human
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humans
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is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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because
of
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apply
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technological advancement is continuously challenging social norms.
For instance
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,
majority
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the majority
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 of women were homemakers in the past which cannot be applicable in
this
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 advanced world, alongside gender
role
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roles
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 assigned in the previous centuries are no longer worthy.
Modern
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The modern
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 world offers
number
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a number
the number
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 of opportunities and
easier
Correct article usage
an easier
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 lifestyle which provides
reasoning
Replace the word
reason
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 for not learning from
history
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. After evaluating both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides, I firmly believe
history
Use synonyms
 offers
great
Add an article
a great
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 perspective which can improve human life drastically. Lessons from
history
Use synonyms
 about leadership, ethics, and conflict resolution remain relevant. In conclusion,
while
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 some may argue that the past is irrelevant to modern life, I believe that
history
Use synonyms
 is a crucial tool for understanding and improving the human experience
while
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 considering that some of the
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
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 are outdated.
Submitted by ali695313 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph elaborates sufficiently on the main points. The second paragraph, for example, has a compelling argument but could benefit from more detail and clearer examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing clearer transitions between ideas within paragraphs to further improve the logical flow.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples and details to support your arguments further. When discussing technological advancements, for example, you could mention specific changes and their impacts.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which firmly present the topic and summarize your perspective.
complete response
You articulated your opinion well and presented a balanced discussion with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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