IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that we cannot learn anything from the past for our life today, while others believe that history is a valuable source of information to understand human's life. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

#people #life #history #source #information
It is a longstanding subject of debate
weather
Correct your spelling
whether
show examples
 one should learn from
history
, or it is no longer relevant in contemporary society.
This
 essay will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
perspectives in detail and
provides
Correct subject-verb agreement
provide
show examples
 a comprehensive opinion.
History
 could provide valuable lessons so all of us can make
this
 planet a better place for everyone. In
past
Add an article
the past
show examples
 time, World War 1 and 2
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
consumed
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of common
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 lives, only to realise that soldiers were working for a
politician
Change noun form
politician's
show examples
 agenda so they
can
Wrong verb form
could
show examples
 fill their own pockets. But people in modern
time
Fix the agreement mistake
times
show examples
 are aware from
history
 that politics or politicians are using their own citizens in order to make their better.
Hence
,
protest
Fix the agreement mistake
protests
show examples
 can be seen in
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of places like America or Europe to stop funding for the war in
middle eastern
Correct your spelling
Middle Eastern
show examples
 countries.
On the other hand
, people who contend that
history
 is insignificant to
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
technological advancement is continuously challenging social norms.
For instance
,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of women were homemakers in the past which cannot be applicable in
this
 advanced world, alongside gender
role
Fix the agreement mistake
roles
show examples
 assigned in the previous centuries are no longer worthy.
Modern
Add an article
The modern
show examples
 world offers
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of opportunities and
easier
Correct article usage
an easier
show examples
 lifestyle which provides
reasoning
Replace the word
reason
show examples
 for not learning from
history
. After evaluating both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sides, I firmly believe
history
 offers
great
Add an article
a great
show examples
 perspective which can improve human life drastically. Lessons from
history
 about leadership, ethics, and conflict resolution remain relevant. In conclusion,
while
 some may argue that the past is irrelevant to modern life, I believe that
history
 is a crucial tool for understanding and improving the human experience
while
 considering that some of the
element
Fix the agreement mistake
elements
show examples
 are outdated.
Submitted by ali695313 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph elaborates sufficiently on the main points. The second paragraph, for example, has a compelling argument but could benefit from more detail and clearer examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on providing clearer transitions between ideas within paragraphs to further improve the logical flow.
task achievement
Provide more concrete examples and details to support your arguments further. When discussing technological advancements, for example, you could mention specific changes and their impacts.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which firmly present the topic and summarize your perspective.
complete response
You articulated your opinion well and presented a balanced discussion with relevant examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: