IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

When country develops its technology the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

#country #technology #skills #life
Today's society has brought many significant changes in
technology
. Some
people
 believe that as a nation improves its
technology
, the old-fashioned cultures and habits of life become expired, and
therefore
 it is useless to put effort into keeping them active.
While
 others disagree with
this
 view. In
this
 essay, I will elaborate on why I agree with
this
 statement and I support my opinion with concrete examples of the above-stated opinion. On the one hand,
technology
 has influenced everywhere. It helps to reduce our stress and make our lives easy. In comparison with old traditions ancient
people
 struggled to communicate with other state
people
 but in
this
 era, we have lots of media to communicate with
people
 and within a minute we can pass the messages through many social media applications.
For example
, we can talk with our loved ones through WhatsApp, Viber, Instagram and Facebook.
In addition
, a video call option was
also
 added.
Therefore
, no need to keep traditional ways in
this
 century.
On the other hand
, some older generation
people
 still follow their traditions with their uniqueness.
For instance
, they are still preparing clay pots, handloom sarees, and making statues. These kinds of unique items are still alive.
Moreover
, there are machines introduced to make these items but
this
 generation of
people
 has an interest in buying handmade items, and they are still purchasing them at affordable prices.
Thus
, it is one of the main points to keep that alive. In conclusion,
while
 it is true that the traditional skills and ways of life die out the benefits of
technology
such
 as communicating, Online purchasing and online banking far outweigh the drawbacks.
Therefore
, I strongly agree with
this
 statement.
Submitted by shruthiudhai7 on

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task achievement
Ensure your introduction is clearer about your stance. It seems contradictory or ambiguous at first glance.
task achievement
Strengthen the support for your points with more detailed examples and explanations to enhance task response.
coherence cohesion
Improve the transitions between paragraphs for a smoother flow and more cohesive argument.
coherence cohesion
Avoid minor grammatical errors by proofreading more carefully.
task achievement
Clear discussion of how technology impacts communication.
coherence cohesion
Good recognition of the continued value of traditional skills and items.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Technological advancement
  • Efficiency
  • Global connectivity
  • Cultural identity
  • Diversity
  • Innovation
  • Coexist
  • Sustainable
  • Eco-friendly
  • Energy-intensive
  • Practical skills
  • Self-sufficiency
  • Homogenize
  • Preservation
  • Global diversity
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