In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?
The rate of fat
people
is increasing in some countries nowadays and their levels of
health and fitness are decreasing currently. This
essay will examine the main causes of obesity and possible solutions to this
problem.
There are a variety of factors that may lead to this
issue. One of the major causes can be that people
do not have sufficient knowledge about healthy food
. To illustrate, people
are
consuming more than 70 Wrong verb form
have been
percent
of their money on junk Change the spelling
per cent
food
recently, so they are not concentrating on healthy food
. The reason why people
do not pay attention to healthy lifestyles is that they do not know how healthy food
can give them a comfortable environment. The second reason is that the governments
do not encourage people
to exercise. Hence
, people
are lazy, and they are not energetic as well and they need to be motivated by governments
.
Despite some obvious reasons described above, several actions must be taken by governments
to tackle this
issue. Firstly
, a simple solution would
be that the governments
must take care of the individuals to protect them. For example
, governments
could decrease the number of restaurants globally to force people
to eat healthy food
. Once the governments
close fast-food
shops, the rate of obesity will decrease noticeably. The second measure would be that the governments
must encourage their populations to do exercises daily to avoid fatness. For instance
, a study in the USA has shown that the rate of obesity is plunging currently because the government has begun to open many sports clubs in the United States.
In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that numerous individuals are
overeating at present; As a result
, the precautions must be considered by
governments
to be capable of resolving this
issue worldwide.Submitted by Eissa Aljabri
on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure throughout. While the introduction and conclusion are present, the essay would benefit from stronger transitions and clearer connections between paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
Support main points with detailed and specific explanations or examples. Although the essay touches on relevant points, it lacks depth in the explanation and the illustrative examples provided are not fully explored.
task achievement
Fully address all parts of the task. You have responded to the prompt, but could further elaborate on the causes and solutions to provide a more comprehensive understanding of the issue.
task achievement
Develop clear and comprehensive ideas that thoroughly address the task. Consider expanding on your ideas and avoid overly broad statements that do not contribute to a deeper understanding.
task achievement
Include relevant, specific examples to support your points. The essay includes examples, but they are not very specific or detailed. More concrete and contextually rich examples would reinforce your arguments.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
