IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 8

In many countries it is now illegal to advertise alcohol. Do you agree or disagree?

#countries #alcohol
The advertisement of beer, wine and other alcoholic drinks is banned in numerous nations.
This
 essay totally agrees with
this
 statement because drinking can result in many serious health issues and advertisers can influence individuals to become addicted to drinking liquor. The primary reason why alcoholic beverages should be banned is because alcohol poses a risk to a person's health. Excessive drinking causes several conditions including liver damage,and some cancers and when it affects mental disorders it usually makes people aggressive and violent, which leads to assaults and hurts their families.
For example
, some European countries have faced many problems with alcoholism and decided to ban advertising and
this
 contributed to reducing cases of addiction. The second reason why the promotion of alcohol should be prohibited is the fact that may encourage people to buy products without addressing the associated health risks and potential harm from what drinking can do. The main goal of any advertising campaign is to attract customers to sell more. Commercials often make certain drink brands look luxurious and sexy to marketing goods, neglecting to highlight potential harm to humans.
For instance
, Most ads on the Internet and TV show attractive posters for drinks to drag the viewer to create an urge to consume it daily. In conclusion, beer is a hazardous product for all human life and advertisers shouldn't be permitted to try and persuade people to drink it,
therefore
, I believe that more countries should ban the advertising of liquor to decrease the damage from drinking alcoholic drinks.
Submitted by Jiahad22 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents your viewpoint and outlines the reasons you will discuss. Your conclusion should summarize these points effectively.
coherence cohesion
To further improve coherence, transition smoothly between paragraphs and ideas. Use a variety of linking phrases to connect sentences and paragraphs, enhancing the flow of your essay.
task achievement
Develop your main points with more specific examples and evidence. While you provided some examples, incorporating more detailed instances or data can strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to varied sentence structures to make your writing more engaging. Avoid repetition of phrases and words to keep your reader interested.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: