IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.

The graph below compares the number of visits to two new music sites on the web.
#visits #two #music #sites #web
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The chart illustrates the number of
visits
Use synonyms
 to two new websites of
music
Use synonyms
, including
Music
Use synonyms
Choice
Use synonyms
 and
Pop
Use synonyms
Parade
Use synonyms
, over 15
days
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, the trend of
Pop
Use synonyms
Parade
Use synonyms
 is higher than
Music
Use synonyms
Choice
Use synonyms
 from the start to the
last
Linking Words
 period. In the first 10
days
Use synonyms
, the red line
has
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fluctuated
decreased
Correct word choice
and decreased
show examples
,
while
Linking Words
 the blue line
stay
Wrong verb form
stayed
show examples
 steady.
Additionally
Linking Words
, on
days
Use synonyms
 10 to 11, both lines have a similar increase pattern, before separating in the
last
Linking Words
 3
days
Use synonyms
. Starting at the higher point,
Pop
Use synonyms
Parade
Use synonyms
 has 120,000 visitors,
while
Linking Words
Music
Use synonyms
Choice
Use synonyms
 has 40,000
visits
Use synonyms
. One week later, the trends of both websites are at almost the same point, at approximately 30,000
visits
Use synonyms
, and stay at a similar rate until
day
Use synonyms
 9. After
day
Use synonyms
 9, the red and blue graph dramatically skyrocket to a higher point, at 140,000 and 120,000, in order. On
day
Use synonyms
 11,
Pop
Use synonyms
parade
Use synonyms
 popularity significantly
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 to 80,000 on
day
Use synonyms
 13, and increased to the peak at 160,000.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
Music
Use synonyms
Choice
Use synonyms
 have
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 lower number
at the end
Linking Words
, 80,000
visits
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by dondollaraus on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last, while".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words visits, music, choice, pop, parade, days, day with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "number of" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "stay" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Comparison
  • Number of visits
  • Trends
  • Period
  • Increases
  • Decreases
  • Stability
  • Factors
  • Influenced
  • Marketing strategies
  • User interface
  • Variety of music
  • Peak times
  • Reasons
  • Promotional events
  • Long-term sustainability
  • Growth prospects
  • Graph
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