Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.

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One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is whether
governments
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should stop spending large amounts of
money
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on their armed forces. Many
people
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are beginning to realize that the world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago. Personally, I believe it is a good idea to save our
money
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and spend it on more useful things.
Firstly
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, it is well known that the world today is not as dangerous as it was a hundred years ago. What I mean here is that we don't need an expensive armed force for protection. One of the main reasons behind
this
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is that many countries have friendly relationships and peaceful populations. A good example is the relationship between Kazakhstan and other countries,
such
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as Kyrgyzstan. We,
Kazakh
Correct article usage
the Kazakh
show examples
people
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, are very close to them. They are our friends;
therefore
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, we don’t need a large armed force. Another argument is that if
governments
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redirected the
money
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currently spent on armed forces to more beneficial areas, the country would develop faster.
This
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would help
people
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achieve new successes and open up new opportunities.
Furthermore
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, spending
money
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on non-essential items is not good for a country's economy.
Therefore
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, I think that
governments
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should stop excessive military spending. In conclusion, taking everything into account, we can say that
governments
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should indeed reduce spending on their army, navy, and air force. I completely agree with
this
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statement and believe that if they don’t reduce
this
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spending, it could have negative effects on their country and its
people
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.
Submitted by dnm.best on

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task achievement
To enhance the task response, provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and robust.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using linking phrases more frequently to improve the flow between ideas. This will make it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the stance and effectively sets up the argument for the essay.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured with separate paragraphs addressing distinct points.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's stance, reinforcing the argument made in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • multilingual
  • linguistic proficiency
  • globalized world
  • cross-cultural communication
  • immersive experience
  • adaptability
  • cultural exchange
  • interpersonal skills
  • employment prospects
  • empathy
  • intellectual development
  • overcome language barriers
  • global market
  • resourceful
  • life-changing
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