Some people say that the only reason for learning a foreign language is in order to travel to or work in a foreign country. Others say that these are not the only reasons why someone should learn a foreign language.

One of the widely discussed issues nowadays is whether
governments
should stop spending large amounts of
money
on their armed forces. Many
people
are beginning to realize that the world today is a safer place than it was a hundred years ago. Personally, I believe it is a good idea to save our
money
and spend it on more useful things.
Firstly
, it is well known that the world today is not as dangerous as it was a hundred years ago. What I mean here is that we don't need an expensive armed force for protection. One of the main reasons behind
this
is that many countries have friendly relationships and peaceful populations. A good example is the relationship between Kazakhstan and other countries,
such
as Kyrgyzstan. We,
Kazakh
Correct article usage
the Kazakh
show examples
people
, are very close to them. They are our friends;
therefore
, we don’t need a large armed force. Another argument is that if
governments
redirected the
money
currently spent on armed forces to more beneficial areas, the country would develop faster.
This
would help
people
achieve new successes and open up new opportunities.
Furthermore
, spending
money
on non-essential items is not good for a country's economy.
Therefore
, I think that
governments
should stop excessive military spending. In conclusion, taking everything into account, we can say that
governments
should indeed reduce spending on their army, navy, and air force. I completely agree with
this
statement and believe that if they don’t reduce
this
spending, it could have negative effects on their country and its
people
.
Submitted by dnm.best on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
To enhance the task response, provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and robust.
coherence cohesion
To improve coherence and cohesion, consider using linking phrases more frequently to improve the flow between ideas. This will make it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly states the stance and effectively sets up the argument for the essay.
logical structure
The essay is logically structured with separate paragraphs addressing distinct points.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reiterates the writer's stance, reinforcing the argument made in the essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • multilingual
  • linguistic proficiency
  • globalized world
  • cross-cultural communication
  • immersive experience
  • adaptability
  • cultural exchange
  • interpersonal skills
  • employment prospects
  • empathy
  • intellectual development
  • overcome language barriers
  • global market
  • resourceful
  • life-changing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: