IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that it would be better for large companies and industries to move to regional areas outside large urban centres. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #companies #industries #move #areas #centres
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In the recent era, many individuals believe that large
organizations
 and corporations should relocate away from urban centres to regional
areas
.
This
 essay will discuss what benefits an organization would get if they decide to change the place of business.
To begin
 with, most of the companies are set up in urban centres for many factors,
such
 as the availability of a variety of workforce and favourable tax policies which enables these
organizations
 to save a huge amount on their revenue.
Moreover
, in urban
cities
 there is a good connectivity of transportation which allows the employees to commute on
daily
Correct article usage
a daily
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 basis,
on the other
hand
Add the comma(s)
hand,
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 regional
areas
 lack these facilities with no alternatives.
Due to
 that
reason
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reason,
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 it might be difficult for
corporation
Fix the agreement mistake
corporations
show examples
 to set up
there
Replace the word
their
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 businesses and offices in regional centres,
however
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however,
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 if
government
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the government
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 decides to step in with some lucrative schemes, many companies may agree to relocate.
For instance
, after the parliament of the UK government passed bills with zero taxation on company assets and revenues in some regional regions, almost 46% of
organizations
 shifted from large
cities
 to those
areas
.
Also
, the big companies may not need to pay huge salaries or offer bonuses to their employees as the cost of living is comparatively low in regional
areas
.
However
, there might be some drawbacks
of
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to
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 shifting the whole business to a new place. Some regional
areas
 might not have
a
Remove the article
apply
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better connectivity of roads or efficient transportation for regular travel.
Also
, the only alternative would be to use
the
Correct article usage
apply
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public transport which may not be efficient or widely available across the region.
Organizations
 may apply some
cost cutting
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cost-cutting
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 measures
due to
 the reasons
of
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for
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 relocation,
such
 as deducting the benefits of insurance and personal leaves to compensate and stabilise their cash flow.
Prime
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A prime
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 example of
this
 scenario can be considered from a regional area of Australia, known as Melbourne, where the average
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
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salary of an employee is 2 times less than the
professional
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professionals
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 who are working in
cities
,
as well as
, they receive 50% less benefits than their counterparts who are working in
cities
.
To conclude
, the advantages of relocation outweigh the disadvantages with some minor drawbacks for the employees,
although
 ample opportunities will be introduced for the people of regional
areas
.
Submitted by patelvaibhav1463 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure clearer topic sentences for each paragraph to improve the logical flow of argumentation.
task achievement
Aim to provide a more balanced discussion of both advantages and disadvantages with equal depth to achieve higher scores.
task achievement
Maintain consistency in using specific and relevant examples to support your main points thoroughly.
coherence cohesion
The essay introduces the topic clearly and concludes well, providing a summary of the main argument.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the UK parliament's bill and the situation in Melbourne, adds credibility and specificity to the argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban congestion
  • overcrowding
  • livable cities
  • local economies
  • stimulating local businesses
  • green spaces
  • travel emissions
  • quality of life
  • cost-efficiency
  • infrastructure
  • job losses
  • commute times
What to do next:
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