IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

A big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is often argued that a higher
salary
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 is much more necessary than
job
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satisfaction
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. I completely disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view and I argue that
job
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 pleasure is much more essential than a higher
salary
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 for
people
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’s lives. The first reason why I support
this
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 view is that I believe that
job
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satisfaction
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 gives
people
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 a sense of fulfilment that no money can guarantee. To be more specific, sometimes
although
Linking Words
people
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 earn a lot of money, they can not live comfortably because they feel tense and compromise with their conscience, and
this
Linking Words
 person will not enjoy his life.
For example
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, some famous researchers enjoy their
job
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 and they earn
much
Correct quantifier usage
a lot of
show examples
 money because they choose
this
Linking Words
job
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Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
because
show examples
 they are interested in
this
Linking Words
 business.
That is
Linking Words
 why it is important to choose the kind of work that makes you happy than to look only at a high
salary
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. Another reason to consider is that doing what you like keeps you motivated and
therefore
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 leads to career growth.
In other words
Linking Words
, there is a strong relationship between
job
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satisfaction
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 and productivity. If
people
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 who love their work can easily in their fields of work and achieve better results than those, who put
salary
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 on
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
first place.
For instance
Linking Words
, a person who has just started a business if he loves his own
job
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, consequence, he will be successful in his business. In conclusion, I strongly claim that
job
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satisfaction
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 is more beneficial than a high
salary
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 because it makes
people
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 happy and motivated

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Support and Expansion
To enhance clarity and persuasiveness, consider expanding your examples with more detailed evidence. This will reinforce your arguments and make them more convincing.
Sentence Structure
Be attentive to vary your sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing. While your essay is well-structured, adding more varied sentences could increase its readability and engagement.
Grammar and Accuracy
Pay careful attention to minor grammatical inaccuracies and typo errors to polish your writing. Correcting these can greatly enhance the overall impression of your essay.
Structure
Your essay's structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, effectively addresses the prompt.
Logic and Cohesion
The logical progression of ideas throughout your essay, particularly how each body paragraph supports your thesis, is commendable.
Example Relevance
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which is crucial for task response. Expanding on these examples would make your argument even stronger.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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