IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The restoration of old buildings in major cities in the world costs numerous governments expenditure. This money should be used in new housing and road development. Do you agree or disagree?

#restoration #buildings #cities #world #costs #governments #expenditure #money #road #development
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Many old
buildings
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 are being restored in major cities which costs numerous government expenditures.
People
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 argue that
this
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 money should be used to build new housing and road development. I am neutral towards
this
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 topic I believe that old
buildings
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 should be restored so that
people
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 can learn more about the history of architecture.
Furthermore
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, major cities already have well-built roads and housing,
hence
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, the restoration of old
buildings
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 should be prioritized.
Moreover
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, old
buildings
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 that don't have a support structure need to be restored as a weak foundation of a building could harm other
people
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 . From my experience, I have seen many
buildings
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 that caused problems for those who lived near them. I think the government should prioritize restoring monuments, as they preserve our culture and history. I believe our future generations will take inspiration from the design and history of old
buildings
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.
On the other hand
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, I do not think that every major
city
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 is alike in terms of architecture,
like
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apply
show examples
Jaipur has old
buildings
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 that are well built and do not need restoration and
hence
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, new housing and roads would be the right decision as it gives
people
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 shelter and helps increase trades in that
city
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.
To conclude
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, I think that the restoration of old
buildings
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 in a major
city
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 depends on the particular
city
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 and its needs.
Submitted by satyarthverma88 on

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task response
Your introduction could be more engaging. Clearly state your position (agree, disagree, or neutral) and summarize the key points you'll discuss.
task response
Provide more specific examples or evidence to support your arguments. This can strengthen your position and make your essay more compelling.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on one main idea and develops it fully before moving to the next. This can improve the clarity and flow of your essay.
task response
You have shown an understanding of both sides of the argument, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow, with paragraphs that generally transition smoothly from one to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion summarizes your thoughts and reiterates your main point effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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