Analyze and give band- some say that music, art and drama are as important as school subjects, especially at the primary level. do you agree or disagree?
It is a popular opinion among many that co-curricular
activities
like music, art and drama are of equal importance as school subjects. I totally agree with this
statement,
and believe that they play a vital role in Remove the comma
apply
well-rounded
development of a child.
Correct article usage
the well-rounded
To begin
with, activities
like drama and theater
help children to learn teamwork and cooperation. SinceChange the spelling
theatre
,
most dramas in schools are about recent problems being faced by Remove the comma
apply
the
society, they serve as a method of spreading awareness amongst the youth. Music and art Correct article usage
apply
also
play an integral role in providing kids a
platform to express themselves. Add the preposition
with a
According to
a recent study, a group of adolescents were asked about an activity that provided an escape from their anxiety, and painting was one of the most popular responses.
Co-curricular activities
help in the development of creative aspects of the brain, Correct word choice
and widens
widens
their vision which later helps them in their professional life. Correct subject-verb agreement
widen
In addition
to this
, these activities
help tackle hurdles like stage fright and play a significant role in shaping these kids into confident adults. For instance
, I recall an instance from my office, where a man made an amazing presentation but did not have the courage to go up on stage and present it, his colleague presented it and got the promotion he deserved. Therefore
, being good at studies is not the only aspect that is
necessary to be successful, one must excel in all different walks of life.
In conclusion, I agree that studies are a must in a child’s life but co-curricular activities
are equally important, as they help shape young children to become successful individuals once they enter their professional lives.Submitted by khushichhillar on
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task achievement
Your essay does a great job at addressing the essay prompt and providing a complete response. The arguments laid out are clear and comprehensive, effectively conveying your stance on the topic.
task achievement
Your essay could benefit from more relevant and specific examples to further illustrate your points. For instance, more evidence or anecdotes from research or studies beyond the single one mentioned would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You have successfully structured your essay logically with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Your points flow well from one to the next, making it easy to follow your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that transitions between ideas are smooth. Although the logical structure is strong, tightening some transitions would enhance the cohesion of your essay.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction and conclusion are well-presented, effectively setting up and summarizing your argument.
supported main points
Main points are well-supported and relevant to the argument. They contribute to a clear and comprehensive response to the prompt.
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