The garaph below shows the number of shops that closed and the number of new shops that opened in one country between 2011 and 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features

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The given line graph compares how many shops stopped and started work in one country from 2011 to 2018.
Overall
, at
first
Add a comma
first,
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the
number
of outlets opening was higher than
closures
;
however
, it was overtaken by the
closures
.
Also
, there was a noticeable fall in the proportion of opening shops with slight fluctuations,
while
the
number
of
closures
had a huge decrease, which was followed by
rise
Add an article
a rise
show examples
. Looking at the details, in the first year, the index of closed stores was around 6500, after which it increased slightly to approximately 7000 in 2013. Afterwards, having a rapid decrease
by
Change preposition
of
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6500 in 2015, the
number
of
closures
began to improve to roughly 5000 in 2016 and remained unchanged between 2016 and 2018. As for the
number
of outlet openings, the figure was originally at nearly 8500. The
number
of shops that started to work went down gradually reaching 5000, before growing to about 6000 in 2014 and remained stable until 2017.
Finally
, the figure fell to
alow
Correct your spelling
a low
show examples
of 3000 in 2018.
Submitted by nurtoleu.nursulu on

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task response
Good job covering the main trends and making comparisons. Next time, make sure to avoid minor inaccuracies in the data presentation. For example, you mentioned closures remained unchanged between 2016 and 2018, whereas they started to improve to roughly 5000 in 2016.
coherence and cohesion
Be cautious with the consistency of your narrative. Your introduction could be slightly clearer by mentioning both the closure and opening trends in one line.
task response
You included an overall statement, which is excellent. This helps the reader grasp the main trends instantly.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is logically structured with a clear progression from year to year.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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