More and more people are becoming seriously overweight. Some people suggest that the solution to this problem is to increase the price of fattening foods. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Talking about health issues, one cannot avoid thoroughly looking at an alarming increase in obesity cases around the world. In fact, there is a general claim that to lower
this
number, the government should apply laws and restrictions on unhealthy Linking Words
foods
Use synonyms
such
as snacks and soft drinks. In my opinion, I strongly agree with Linking Words
this
statement. Analyzing the profit of the fast food industry and the awareness of Linking Words
people
at Use synonyms
this
time will prove Linking Words
this
point.
First and foremost, there is no denying that the fast food industry is one of the fastest-growing businesses in these busy days of life. Linking Words
For instance
, companies like Coca-Cola or Pesico always report a positive margin number in their yearly finance report, and Linking Words
this
is a result of cheap and easily accessible ingredients Linking Words
while
sale numbers are always in high demand. Linking Words
Moreover
, products like snacks and soft drinks can be found anywhere from urban to rural areas, in big supermarkets or in street vendor machines, and the most important point is that they are being sold at a very cheap price so that anyone is accessible to these products. Linking Words
As a result
, Linking Words
while
healthy food is encouraged by many health organizations, buyers nowadays are lost in the jungle of junk Linking Words
foods
and sweet beverages, but organic and healthy Use synonyms
foods
are far exceeding Use synonyms
people
's living standards.
Use synonyms
Secondly
, taking a look at Linking Words
people
's schedules these days, it is understandable why fast Use synonyms
foods
are so much in favour of replacing those traditional meals in the past. Use synonyms
For example
, one of the most common habits of young Linking Words
people
is skipping breakfast Use synonyms
due to
their busy time in the morning getting to workplaces or schools. Linking Words
As a result
, fast Linking Words
foods
are served to these Use synonyms
people
as a quick and convenient meal that combines breakfast and lunch, to keep their belly full and provide enough energy for the whole day. Use synonyms
Furthermore
, family meals are being ignored by many modern families since they do not have time to cook a proper meal for their children Linking Words
while
a pizza can be served by a phone call within 15 minutes. An increase in these Linking Words
foods
's price tag will make them think twice before making any purchase of Use synonyms
such
unhealthy Linking Words
foods
.
In conclusion, a new tax to Use synonyms
applied
for fattening Wrong verb form
apply
foods
can be a good idea, considering how well these companies earned in the past and how Use synonyms
people
's meals have been altered by these kinds of products. It is suggested that not only a change in Use synonyms
people
's awareness, Use synonyms
those
healthy Correct word choice
but those
foods
need to be supported by the government so Use synonyms
people
can get to them Use synonyms
easier
in the future.Rephrase
more easily
Submitted by xbinh91 on
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task achievement
While the main ideas are clear and mostly comprehensive, some sentences are lengthy and could be rephrased for better clarity. For example: 'Analyzing the profit of the fast food industry and the awareness of people at this time will prove this point,' could be simplified for easier understanding.
coherence and cohesion
The essay would benefit from more varied vocabulary to avoid repetition, such as using synonyms for 'fast food,' 'unhealthy foods,' and similar terms.
task achievement
To strengthen the support for the main points, consider providing more statistical data or authoritative references about the impacts of unhealthy foods and potential benefits of price increases.
task achievement
The essay identifies and clearly responds to the task by discussing the relationship between increasing obesity and the idea of increasing the price of unhealthy foods.
coherence and cohesion
The essay follows a logical structure with clear paragraphs for each argument, making it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points and provides a final opinion, enhancing the cohesiveness of the essay.
task achievement
The essay uses relevant and specific examples such as Coca-Cola, Pesico, and the habits of young people, which support the main points effectively.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.