In a number of countries, some people think that it is necessary to spend large sumes of money on coustructing new raily lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on imprioving exsistiong public transport…… view point Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is always a debatable topic whether it is
esstional
to spend money on building new rails or upgrading existing public Correct your spelling
essential
transportation
. I believe both sides have valid arguments.
On the one hand, being thought that investing a large amount of money is necessary. The greatest point is that it provides a good opportunity for some to communicate between cites
quickly and easily. Correct your spelling
cities
This
is so because of train’s
speed. Correct article usage
the train’s
Secondly
, those who support that the most budget should be considered for fast trains believe that this
strategy reduces traffic jams in comparison with using public transportation
. Because it transfers with
high speed, but when people use those means of public Change preposition
at
transportation
, they get stuck in traffic.
However
, there are more arguments to suggest that improvement of existent
public Replace the word
existing
transportation
is crucial. Firstly
, some
Correct pronoun usage
it
are
not convenient to use fast rain because either not Correct subject-verb agreement
is
familiars
or get stressed, especially those who are scared of speed and might get into trouble. Fix the agreement mistake
familiar
Secondly
, it affects on
the the environment. New rails are built by destroying residential Change preposition
apply
area
or trees which has a detrimental effect on our environment.
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
To conclude
, allocating most of the budget on
new rails has some benefits like its speed, Change preposition
to
also
upgrading their public transportation
is important because of the environment. Therefore
, I believe that both of the statements could be valid.Submitted by yektashahryari on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You should try to clarify and support your points with more specific examples. For instance, you could mention specific cities or regions where fast trains have successfully reduced traffic congestion, or explain how certain improvements in public transport can solve existing issues.
coherence cohesion
There were a few language mistakes and typos such as 'esstional', 'cites', 'rain', 'not familiars', etc. Proofreading your work carefully can help to avoid these small errors and will enhance your overall clarity and professionalism.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a balanced introduction with a clear statement that reflects your intention to discuss both viewpoints.
logical structure
Your focus on the advantages of both sides is commendable. It shows a good understanding of the topic and helps in presenting a balanced argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.