IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In a number of countries, some people think that it is necessary to spend large sumes of money on coustructing new raily lines for very fast trains between cities. Others believe the money should be spent on imprioving exsistiong public transport…… view point Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#countries #people #sumes #money #lines #trains #cities #exsistiong #transport…… #point
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It is always a debatable topic whether it is
esstional
Correct your spelling
essential
 to spend money on building new rails or upgrading existing public
transportation
. I believe both sides have valid arguments. On the one hand, being thought that investing a large amount of money is necessary. The greatest point is that it provides a good opportunity for some to communicate between
cites
Correct your spelling
cities
show examples
 quickly and easily.
This
 is so because of
train’s
Correct article usage
the train’s
show examples
 speed.
Secondly
, those who support that the most budget should be considered for fast trains believe that
this
 strategy reduces traffic jams in comparison with using public
transportation
. Because it transfers
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 high speed, but when people use those means of public
transportation
, they get stuck in traffic.
However
, there are more arguments to suggest that improvement of
existent
Replace the word
existing
show examples
 public
transportation
 is crucial.
Firstly
,
some
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not convenient to use fast rain because either not
familiars
Fix the agreement mistake
familiar
show examples
 or get stressed, especially those who are scared of speed and might get into trouble.
Secondly
, it affects
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the the environment. New rails are built by destroying residential
area
Fix the agreement mistake
areas
show examples
 or trees which has a detrimental effect on our environment.
To conclude
, allocating most of the budget
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 new rails has some benefits like its speed,
also
 upgrading their public
transportation
 is important because of the environment.
Therefore
, I believe that both of the statements could be valid.
Submitted by yektashahryari on

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task achievement
You should try to clarify and support your points with more specific examples. For instance, you could mention specific cities or regions where fast trains have successfully reduced traffic congestion, or explain how certain improvements in public transport can solve existing issues.
coherence cohesion
There were a few language mistakes and typos such as 'esstional', 'cites', 'rain', 'not familiars', etc. Proofreading your work carefully can help to avoid these small errors and will enhance your overall clarity and professionalism.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a balanced introduction with a clear statement that reflects your intention to discuss both viewpoints.
logical structure
Your focus on the advantages of both sides is commendable. It shows a good understanding of the topic and helps in presenting a balanced argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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