In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or mall to do their shopping. Is this positive kr negative development?

In many parts of the world, many
people
are going to the
mall
for shopping. Meanwhile, it has a negative impact on local
shops
and it has changed the way
people
shopping
Wrong verb form
shop
show examples
.
This
essay believes shopping in the
mall
is more effective. For the following reasons. Is
this
the most effective
ways
Fix the agreement mistake
way
show examples
? First of all, I believe that the
mall
provides job opportunities for many
people
in some places.
This
is a good solution to develop the city, and those
people
can look for experience or make a network with each other.
For example
, at 1
mall
or large shopping centre, there are types of work.
Besides
, it offers a wider range of products in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one place and gets good service.
Secondly
, at
mall
provides a place to relax and play. After bored from work a lot of
people
need to go out and play with their children, and the
mall
is a good place to quality time with family.
For example
, at the
mall
there are playgrounds,
enjoy
Correct word choice
and enjoy
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a cup of coffee to tea, or
watching
Wrong verb form
watch
show examples
some favourite movie in the cinema.
Additionally
, we can buy some
dress
Fix the agreement mistake
dresses
show examples
, like clothes or pants, even
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
is more expensive but it has good quality.
Furthermore
, we can find local or international brands,
such
as Nike, Dior, etc. and
this
product is not available in the local or small
shops
. In conclusion,
while
a few claim there are negative impacts
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
local
shops
.
However
, large shopping centres clearly
give
Verb problem
have
show examples
a positive impact on several
people
.
Therefore
, the government should
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
give education to small
shops
about the positive impact of the
mall
.
Submitted by arniaqlina44 on

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task achievement
You addressed the task effectively, discussing both positive and negative impacts of malls on local shops; however, your arguments could be more balanced. Focus on providing a more thorough comparison between the advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Elaborate more on your specific examples. Some examples were a bit vague or lacked clarity. Concrete examples would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your points. While you have provided clear points, the transitions could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your arguments. However, ensure your body paragraphs consistently support the thesis statement introduced in the beginning.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents a clear stance on the issue.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your position.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

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