In recent years, many small local shops have closed because customers travel to large shopping centres or mall to do their shopping. Is this positive kr negative development?
In many parts of the world, many
people
are going to the mall
for shopping. Meanwhile, it has a negative impact on local shops
and it has changed the way people
shopping
. Wrong verb form
shop
This
essay believes shopping in the mall
is more effective. For the following reasons. Is this
the most effective ways
?
First of all, I believe that the Fix the agreement mistake
way
mall
provides job opportunities for many people
in some places. This
is a good solution to develop the city, and those people
can look for experience or make a network with each other. For example
, at 1 mall
or large shopping centre, there are types of work. Besides
, it offers a wider range of products in the
one place and gets good service.
Correct article usage
apply
Secondly
, at mall
provides a place to relax and play. After bored from work a lot of people
need to go out and play with their children, and the mall
is a good place to quality time with family. For example
, at the mall
there are playgrounds, enjoy
Correct word choice
and enjoy
with
a cup of coffee to tea, or Change preposition
apply
watching
some favourite movie in the cinema. Wrong verb form
watch
Additionally
, we can buy some dress
, like clothes or pants, even Fix the agreement mistake
dresses
it
is more expensive but it has good quality. Correct word choice
if it
Furthermore
, we can find local or international brands, such
as Nike, Dior, etc. and this
product is not available in the local or small shops
.
In conclusion, while
a few claim there are negative impacts for
local Change preposition
on
shops
. However
, large shopping centres clearly give
a positive impact on several Verb problem
have
people
. Therefore
, the government should to
give education to small Change the verb form
apply
shops
about the positive impact of the mall
.Submitted by arniaqlina44 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
You addressed the task effectively, discussing both positive and negative impacts of malls on local shops; however, your arguments could be more balanced. Focus on providing a more thorough comparison between the advantages and disadvantages.
task achievement
Elaborate more on your specific examples. Some examples were a bit vague or lacked clarity. Concrete examples would make your arguments stronger and more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical flow between your points. While you have provided clear points, the transitions could be smoother. Use linking words and phrases more effectively to connect your ideas.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a strong introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your arguments. However, ensure your body paragraphs consistently support the thesis statement introduced in the beginning.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets up the topic and presents a clear stance on the issue.
introduction conclusion present
You have provided a clear conclusion that summarizes your main points and reiterates your position.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...