Some people believe that watching big events like sports and the Olympics on TV encourage adults to exercise regularly. While others disagree that there are other effective ways of getting them to exercise. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
It is the subject of discussion
that
whether sports events, whose people watch largely from all parts of the globe, increase the practice of exercise on a regular basis or Correct word choice
apply
there
are better options. In my opinion, the population will not do more sport just by watching events and other ways are needed.
Some others advocate that there are significantly better options to be implemented one of which is raising awareness about the importance of regular activity. In the 21st century, the luxury of technology has led to a decline in physical exertion. Correct word choice
whether there
Consequently
, abundance
of Add an article
an abundance
the abundance
health
issues such
as obesity, cardiovascular diseases, and musculoskeletal problems are on rise
. By giving convincing methodologies to urge the importance of exercise in adults, more and more individuals will participate in physical Add an article
the rise
recreations
. If we take a look at the biography of professional sportsmen, Fix the agreement mistake
recreation
it is clear that
improving their overall
health
,
had played a dominant role in starting their career at a young age. Remove the comma
apply
Also
, the youngsters who are already dealing with health
issues,
will take action to solve them all before getting worse.
Remove the comma
apply
By contrast
, some argue that watching big events spontaneously indulges
a person to exercise regularly. With the availability of television in almost every household, most people get to watch sports matches and acquire a taste for them. Verb problem
encourages
This
attraction eventually pushes a person to partake in a similar game because of the concept of idealization. Owing to this
fantasy, they will maintain an active lifestyle. However
, broadcasting interesting sport
programs, will not necessarily make someone Change the noun form
sports
to
partake in the same field Change the verb form
apply
due to
a variety of reasons such
as lack of equipment, monetary difficulties and geographical limitations.
In conclusion, although
the
media coverage does play a crucial role in inspiring young adults to pursue a sports career by showing them their success stories, Correct article usage
apply
However
, other effective ways such
as publicity about the relation between health
and activity, are slightly better options to convey about
athletic life.Change preposition
apply
Submitted by ronakdorrii on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task response
The essay addresses both views and provides an opinion. However, it could be improved by explicitly stating the opinion in the introduction and conclusion for better clarity.
task response
The essay could use more specific and relevant examples to support its points. Where possible, illustrate points with concrete examples or case studies.
coherence and cohesion
There are some grammatical issues and awkward sentence structures. Proofread carefully to ensure clarity and correctness. For example, consider revising 'whose people watch largely from all parts of the globe' to something more natural like 'which attract viewers from all over the globe.'
coherence and cohesion
While the essay is generally coherent, linking words and phrases could be used more effectively to ensure smooth transitions between points and paragraphs.
coherence and cohesion
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task response
Both views are discussed, which aligns with the task requirements.
coherence and cohesion
The arguments are logically structured, and each paragraph has a distinct main idea.
Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS
Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!