2Children find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school.

Nowadays, it is a common concern that

children

hardly pay attention at school during

lessons

. I would say there must be some decisive factors that play an important role in it. One of the main reasons is students' use of electronic

devices

. With the development of technology today many

children

have their mobile phones or iPads whether it is used for entertainment or study.

However

, as teenagers, it is hard to have strict self-control towards electronic

devices

which greatly causes the

lessons

to be not attractive to them anymore.

In addition

, lacking interesting and attractive

lessons

is another main reason.

In other words

, it is easy for

children

to lose interest if

lessons

are not taught in an effective and absorbing way. From

children

’s perspective, they are naturally hard to get attention if nothing attracts them in a long period. In order to address

this

problem, several measures can be taken. First of all, the limited of using electronic

devices

during the class. Schools and parents need to take part in

this

action of banning phones and laptops without the teacher’s permission for necessary

using

Replace the word

use

show examples

This

control is effectively resistance to the distraction brought by electronic

devices

Secondly

, many different ways of learning can be taken for teaching

children

For example

, adding more physical activities and experiments to inspire

children

during the class. In conclusion, digital

devices

and humdrum

lessons

are the main reasons causing

children

to be distracted during class.

However

, if schools intervene in the use of digital

devices

and bring more excitement into courses would efficiently prevent the occurrence of

such

a situation. What are the reasons?

Submitted by l2334993624 on Sun Aug 25 2024

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task achievement

Consider including more specific examples to strengthen your main points. For instance, mention specific studies or statistical data that supports your argument about electronic devices affecting children's concentration.

task achievement

Make sure to fully explore each key point in depth to provide a thorough response to the task. This could involve elaborating on how physical activities and experiments can help in more detail.

coherence cohesion

Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Although the ideas are linked, making the connections more explicit will improve coherence.

coherence cohesion

The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.

coherence cohesion

Main points are logically organized and generally well-supported, making your argument convincing.

task achievement

You have addressed the task prompt adequately by discussing both the reasons behind children's lack of concentration and potential solutions.

task achievement

Your essay holds clear and comprehensive ideas about why children struggle with concentration, including relevant factors like electronic devices and lesson engagement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

270 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 7.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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2Children find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Nowaways, more teenagers want to become famous actors or singers. Why do you think this is happening? Is this a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In many countries, smoking is now illegal in public places. Many people believe that such a ban is justified. Do you agree or disagree?