2Children find it difficult to concentrate or pay attention at school.

Nowadays, it is a common concern that
children
hardly pay attention at school during
lessons
. I would say there must be some decisive factors that play an important role in it. One of the main reasons is students' use of electronic
devices
. With the development of technology today many
children
have their mobile phones or iPads whether it is used for entertainment or study.
However
, as teenagers, it is hard to have strict self-control towards electronic
devices
which greatly causes the
lessons
to be not attractive to them anymore.
In addition
, lacking interesting and attractive
lessons
is another main reason.
In other words
, it is easy for
children
to lose interest if
lessons
are not taught in an effective and absorbing way. From
children
’s perspective, they are naturally hard to get attention if nothing attracts them in a long period. In order to address
this
problem, several measures can be taken. First of all, the limited of using electronic
devices
during the class. Schools and parents need to take part in
this
action of banning phones and laptops without the teacher’s permission for necessary
using
Replace the word
use
show examples
.
This
control is effectively resistance to the distraction brought by electronic
devices
.
Secondly
, many different ways of learning can be taken for teaching
children
.
For example
, adding more physical activities and experiments to inspire
children
during the class. In conclusion, digital
devices
and humdrum
lessons
are the main reasons causing
children
to be distracted during class.
However
, if schools intervene in the use of digital
devices
and bring more excitement into courses would efficiently prevent the occurrence of
such
a situation. What are the reasons?
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task achievement
Consider including more specific examples to strengthen your main points. For instance, mention specific studies or statistical data that supports your argument about electronic devices affecting children's concentration.
task achievement
Make sure to fully explore each key point in depth to provide a thorough response to the task. This could involve elaborating on how physical activities and experiments can help in more detail.
coherence cohesion
Ensure smooth transitions between paragraphs to enhance the overall flow of the essay. Although the ideas are linked, making the connections more explicit will improve coherence.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
coherence cohesion
Main points are logically organized and generally well-supported, making your argument convincing.
task achievement
You have addressed the task prompt adequately by discussing both the reasons behind children's lack of concentration and potential solutions.
task achievement
Your essay holds clear and comprehensive ideas about why children struggle with concentration, including relevant factors like electronic devices and lesson engagement.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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