Nowadays, a growing number of people with health problems are trying alternative medicines and treatments instead of visiting their usual doctor. Do you think is a positive or a negative development?
Today, many
people
tend to use
alternative
medicines
and treatments rather than visiting doctors
when they suffer from health
problems
. In my point of view, this
idea outweighs the disadvantages rather than the advantages.
There are many reasons that people
prefer to use
alternative
medicines
and treatments at present more than past. One of them is being expensive for visiting a doctor. Nowadays, people
do not have enough money to visit a doctor for each health
problem. Therefore
, they try to use
tablets and pills by their own prescription. Likewise
, they also
find some natural remedies to cure themselves. For example
, when people
get cold, firstly
they use
a mixture of boiled water with honey and lemon. If it does not work, they use
an adult cold tablet to prevent it from getting worse. The second reason is the availability of doctors
at each time of the day. In other words
, many doctors
work in hospitals to examine the patients. Unfortunately, there are lack of rooms in residential areas to examine the patients privately. Regarding this
, the cost of visiting privately is much more than visiting in hospital.
On the other hand
, those reasons are not logical. Because people
get into trouble and having alternative
medicines
brings many side effects for them. Sometimes, when a person has a minor health
issue, he usually does not pay attention to it carefully. So, by passing time, the minor problem becomes chronic health
problems
like hard breathing. Moreover
, usually, women in the world will have health
problems
more easily.
To conclude
, at present, an increasing number of individuals with health
problems
are making attempts to use
alternative
medicines
and treatments instead
of going to doctors
. This
action usually causes many problems
for people
.Submitted by brightstargalaxy on
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task achievement
While the essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, the introduction could be clearer in outlining the main points that will be discussed.
coherence cohesion
Some logical structure is present, but there are instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. For instance, the transition between paragraphs is not always smooth.
coherence cohesion
To increase coherence, try to make sure each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence and that all sentences within the paragraph stick to that topic. This will help in making your argument more concise and easily understandable.
task achievement
Supporting main points should be more thoroughly discussed with specific examples and stronger explanations. Detail how alternative medicines can lead to side effects more comprehensively.
task achievement
The essay does a good job of introducing the topic and taking a stance.
task achievement
The conclusion effectively summarizes the essay and restates the stance.
task achievement
There is an effort to present both sides of the argument, which is commendable.