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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

advantage and disadvantage of being an Australian citizen

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Nowadays, having
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Australian
Use synonyms
 citizenship could give you
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of privileges that many people are keen to have them.
According to
Linking Words
 the Department of Home Affairs (2024) since 1949 the
amount
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number
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 of individuals who have become
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Australian
Add an article
an Australian
show examples
Use synonyms
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
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 and
took
Wrong verb form
taken
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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citizenship exceeded 6 million. Despite
few
Correct article usage
a few
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desadvantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of being an
Australian
Use synonyms
citizen
Use synonyms
 like the high
cost
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 of living, being a
citizen
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 offers you many advantages like travel benefits, protection and being eligible for many
sevice
Correct your spelling
services
 that the country
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
, the ranking of the
Australian
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 passport gives the
citizen
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 various travelling facilities. Being in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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fifth place in the global passport ranking
of
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for
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 the year 2024 is an indicator
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Change the article
a
show examples
 large
amount
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of countries which is 189, that the
Australian
Use synonyms
citizen
Use synonyms
 can go to them easily either without
Use synonyms
visa
Correct article usage
a visa
show examples
 or
visa
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 on arrival or even with
electronic
Add an article
an electronic
show examples
visa
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, Australians can travel to
Correct article usage
the U.S.A
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U.S.A
Correct your spelling
U.S.A.
 and U.K without the need
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 having
Use synonyms
visa
Add an article
a visa
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 which
is
Verb problem
makes it
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 hard to enter
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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if you have a different passport.
Hence
Linking Words
, citizens can plan for their trips without thinking about the
visa
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 issues that can affect their trip, and they can focus on other details to be able to have a great experience during their journey.
Secondly
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, protection for
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Australians is one of the most crucial
role
Change to a plural noun
roles
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 that the government provide.
Australia
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 protect
their
Fix the agreement mistake
its citizens
show examples
citizen
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 rights by the law that
apply
Correct subject-verb agreement
applies
show examples
on
Change preposition
to
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 anyone, no matter who they are or what is their position in the country.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Australia
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 protect their
Use synonyms
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 rights who are outside
Australia
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 through the
Australian
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 embassy, and
assist
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assists
show examples
 them if they need helpFor instance, they can vote through the embassy if there is an election
happining
Correct your spelling
happening
 in
Australia
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 which will protect the
Use synonyms
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
righ
Correct your spelling
right
of voting
Change preposition
to vote
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.
Thirdly
Linking Words
, being a
citizen
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 will give access to many services that will support you during
you
Change the pronoun
your
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life
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. Medicare,
finiancial
Correct your spelling
financial
 support for the
elder
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elderly
show examples
 and for the university students and many other facilities that are provided by the government, so the
Use synonyms
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 could have
a
Change the article
an
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 easy
life
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. These government-provided facilities not only make
life
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 easier for individuals but
also
Linking Words
 contribute to creating a healthier and more educated society.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 will
creat
Correct your spelling
create
show examples
 a strong nation, that will support the country to grow and develop more.
Conversely
Linking Words
, the
cost
Use synonyms
 of living is increasing year after year which makes it hard for the
citizen
Use synonyms
 to
aford
Correct your spelling
afford
 to purchase many of their
life
Use synonyms
 needs. the
cost
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 of basic necessities
such
Linking Words
 as groceries and housing has been steadily increasing, placing significant financial pressure on households.
Moreover
Linking Words
, one of the
obtacles
Correct your spelling
obstacles
 that prevent some
Use synonyms
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 from having their own house is the mortgage rate Martin(2024) stated " It's the increases in mortgage rates that have made the increases in the other prices hurt so much". In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
Australian
Use synonyms
 citizenship may come with certain challenges,
such
Linking Words
 as the high
cost
Use synonyms
 of living,
but
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the benefits outweigh these drawbacks. The advantages of travelling , preserving your rights, and access to a wide range of public services, provide citizens with many opportunities to improve.

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task achievement
To improve task achievement, consider providing more specific and varied examples to strengthen your arguments. This will make your essay more persuasive and engaging.
coherence cohesion
While your introduction and conclusion are well-structured, focus on tightening the logical flow between your paragraphs. Ensure that each main point logically follows the preceding one for a smoother reading experience.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both the advantages and disadvantages of Australian citizenship comprehensively, demonstrating a clear understanding of the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, effectively framing the discussion of the main points.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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