IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some businesses find that their new employees lack basic interpersonal skills such as cooperative skills. What are the causes? Suggest possible solutions. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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As the
world
Use synonyms
 is becoming more and more digital, social skills are at stake.
Businesses
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, nowadays, encounter problems,
such
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 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 a lack of general interpersonal skills for employees of a younger generation.
This
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 is a central challenge because of digitalisation
that is
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 linked to some reasons and possible solutions. Every day the
world
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 is becoming more digital, which shapes new minds and transforms
lives
Correct article usage
the lives
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 of older generations. Some countries are at demographic risk
due to
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 decreasing numbers in the domestic population, meaning that families are becoming smaller, communities are becoming closed and
people
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lose
Wrong verb form
are losing
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 themselves in the digital
world
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. Taking Japan as an example,
people
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 are now more lonely than ever, losing themselves in digital pornography and avoiding social interaction which challenges the Japanese population. And
this
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 is a problem across all ages and geographical locations, not only in Japan but all around the
world
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.
This
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 global trend is affecting
businesses
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 as well by creating social
distances
Replace the word
distancing
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 and introversion in the workplace.
Businesses
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as well as
Linking Words
 local governments should work together to solve
this
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 critical issue.
This
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 is a time when companies should create products that encourage physical interaction; enterprises could offer a more extensive social environment at work; and government might provide environments and financial resources for humanity's upheaval.
Such
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 initiatives as language exchange meetups or survival boot camps, organised by local communities or
businesses
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, may suggest more attractive leisure than scrolling.
On the other hand
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, no change is possible, if one does not want it.
For example
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, my partner and I have punishments for each other when browsing more than agreed beforehand. In the end, it is either a top-down or bottom-up approach, but actions are crucial to make a change.
To conclude
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, digitalisation has brought many benefits to the economy
as well as
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 drawbacks, especially to humanity.
People
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 are becoming more distracted from the physical
world
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 and distanced from each other
due to
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 social media and digital platforms.
Hence
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, the solution lies in each of us and in the collaboration of
people
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,
businesses
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 and local authorities.

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task achievement
The essay presents a clear argument and relevant ideas about the lack of interpersonal skills in the younger generation and its causes. However, to improve the completeness of the response, consider elaborating more on each of the reasons and solutions you discuss.
coherence and cohesion
While the logical structure is mostly strong, the transition between paragraphs could be enhanced. Try to use more linking phrases to help the flow of ideas and reinforce the connection between points you are making.
task achievement
Your examples are relevant but could be more diversified. For instance, instead of focusing on only Japan and your personal example, you can include a variety of contexts or scenarios to better support your main points.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction effectively outlines the main problem, and the essay maintains a consistent focus on the topic throughout, which is commendable.
task achievement
The conclusion summarizes the key points well and reinforces the idea of collective action needed to address the issue, demonstrating a good understanding of the main argument.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • interpersonal skills
  • cooperative skills
  • face-to-face interaction
  • digital communication
  • non-verbal cues
  • active listening
  • education system
  • technical knowledge
  • soft skills
  • remote work
  • work environment
  • comprehensive training programs
  • workshops
  • teamwork
  • role-playing scenarios
  • open communication
  • collaborative efforts
  • educational institutions
  • curriculums
  • hybrid work models
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