In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their friends and their families. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
It is often argued that people have to move away from their
families
and friends
if they want to get a better job. Although
there are some drawbacks to this
decision, I believe that the benefits of working away from home are still more important than the drawbacks.
On the one hand, moving away from families
and friends
could have some emotional and mental disadvantages. It is not an easy decision to find a job far from families
and relatives and try to be normal like in the past. For instance
, in 2021, 62% of foreign employees working in Canada suffered from depression, and 77% of them said that they think about their friends
and families
most of the day. Consequently
, they are unable to make a convenient connection with the new community they live in and sometimes can not find a well-matched partner in the new country. Thus
, they persistently struggle with mental problems and it affects their performance.
On the other hand
, migrating to a new place and country to find a new occupation would improve the ability to be independent and make more money. Firstly
, when people move away from their homeland to get a proper job in other countries
or regions, they have to stay on their own feet and learn how to manage their daily life and budget. While
they did not care about their income and expense
in the past Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
due to
the parents' aid, they should be aware of their monthly turnover. Secondly
, in some countries
, due to
a myriad of reasons, the level of income for many works and positions is not sufficient. As a result
, individuals, especially young people decide to migrate to developed countries
like Canada, Germany and The UK to find well-paid jobs. National Bureau of Statistics revealed that the minimum level of income in advanced economies is 40% higher than that of developing countries
. It is solid evidence for those who migrate to Western countries
to find proper work positions.
To sum up
, I believe that despite some negative points, the benefits of working far from families
and friends
outweigh the drawbacks.Submitted by hesam.kord.f on
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coherence cohesion
To further improve, consider varying your sentence structures even more and make sure each paragraph flows seamlessly into the next with more sophisticated transitional phrases.
task achievement
For even higher scores, ensure your argument is balanced by exploring the disadvantages with the same depth as the advantages. While your essay leans positively, including more nuanced exploration of the cons would strengthen it.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured and clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
Relevant examples and statistics are used to support your arguments.