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Band 4.5

In the past, parents used to give their children a great deal of freedom. Parents today, however, tend to be much more restrictive. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#parents #children #freedom #development
Earlier,
guardian
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the guardian
a guardian
show examples
 was giving so much independence to their child.
Meanwhile
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Meanwhile,
show examples
 in
this
 era,
parents
 are putting more restrictions on their
children
.
This
 phenomenon has pros and cons.Arguments to crutch my notion will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs.  What
is
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are
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 the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
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 towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
 time?
Plethora
Correct article usage
A Plethora
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 of reasons can be cited.First and foremost, Inflation is increasing by leaps and bounds.As a repercussion, everything is getting so expensive.Nowadays,
children
 always
wants
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want
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 to go outside
to
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for
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 some adventure and buy new
badgets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
budgets
badges
. If
parents
 will not be strict , they will do whatever they want. Because of that , may they lead to some dangerous
kind
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kinds
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 of activities.Nowadays , so many students are doing drugs and all. All because of happen their company or group of friends.They may copy them
,
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apply
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because they do not know what is good or bad. So , in
this
case
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case,
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parents
 should be strict with them
as well as
 understand them.Because forcefully they never going to
listen
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listen to
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 you. But , if you are teaching manners with
a
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apply
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patience, they will be more likely
learn
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to learn
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 manners. 
On the other hand
 , in the past,
parents
 were so busy in their own life.
For example
 , in
village
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the village
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 all the
parents
 were illiterate. So they never take time to see what they are doing in their own life.But , because of
this
 freedom and independence,
children
 were more mature and independent.
Parents
 were financially unstable,
thus
, they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 not afford all the expenses which
Children
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
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 to have.
Hence
,
children
 knew that it is very hard for their
parents
 to bring
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
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gadgets and games .
Thus
, they became so understanding. In
this
 way ,
parents
 always wanted to give freedom to them. Agglomerating all the points elaborated above, it can be reiterated that,
parents
 were unaware about the expanse for their
children
. Because they never bought anything.
While because
Correct word choice
Because
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 of advancements
parents
knows
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know
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 the
threaten
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threats
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 around their
children
 which can be perilous for them.Ergo, they will be more strict with them to protect them.
Submitted by faluprajapati257 on

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task achievement
While the essay highlights the key arguments, it's crucial to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Try to focus on ensuring that each paragraph discusses a single idea in detail, rather than introducing multiple ideas without sufficient exploration.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use appropriate transition words to connect ideas and ensure a more coherent essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a stronger introduction and conclusion. Make sure to clearly state your position on the topic in the introduction and summarize your key points in the conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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