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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In the past, parents used to give their children a great deal of freedom. Parents today, however, tend to be much more restrictive. Is this a positive or a negative development?

#parents #children #freedom #development
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Earlier,
guardian
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the guardian
a guardian
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 was giving so much independence to their child.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 in
this
Linking Words
 era,
parents
Use synonyms
 are putting more restrictions on their
children
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon has pros and cons.Arguments to crutch my notion will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs.  What
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
restriction
Fix the agreement mistake
restrictions
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 towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
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children
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 time?
Plethora
Correct article usage
A Plethora
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 of reasons can be cited.First and foremost, Inflation is increasing by leaps and bounds.As a repercussion, everything is getting so expensive.Nowadays,
children
Use synonyms
 always
wants
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want
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 to go outside
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some adventure and buy new
badgets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
budgets
badges
. If
parents
Use synonyms
 will not be strict , they will do whatever they want. Because of that , may they lead to some dangerous
kind
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kinds
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 of activities.Nowadays , so many students are doing drugs and all. All because of happen their company or group of friends.They may copy them
,
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apply
show examples
because they do not know what is good or bad. So , in
this
Linking Words
case
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case,
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parents
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 should be strict with them
as well as
Linking Words
 understand them.Because forcefully they never going to
listen
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listen to
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 you. But , if you are teaching manners with
a
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apply
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patience, they will be more likely
learn
Fix the infinitive
to learn
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 manners. 
On the other hand
Linking Words
 , in the past,
parents
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 were so busy in their own life.
For example
Linking Words
 , in
village
Add an article
the village
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 all the
parents
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 were illiterate. So they never take time to see what they are doing in their own life.But , because of
this
Linking Words
 freedom and independence,
children
Use synonyms
 were more mature and independent.
Parents
Use synonyms
 were financially unstable,
thus
Linking Words
, they
can
Wrong verb form
could
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 not afford all the expenses which
Children
Use synonyms
want
Wrong verb form
wanted
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 to have.
Hence
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 knew that it is very hard for their
parents
Use synonyms
 to bring
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
gadgets and games .
Thus
Linking Words
, they became so understanding. In
this
Linking Words
 way ,
parents
Use synonyms
 always wanted to give freedom to them. Agglomerating all the points elaborated above, it can be reiterated that,
parents
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 were unaware about the expanse for their
children
Use synonyms
. Because they never bought anything.
Linking Words
While because
Correct word choice
Because
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 of advancements
parents
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knows
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 the
threaten
Replace the word
threats
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 around their
children
Use synonyms
 which can be perilous for them.Ergo, they will be more strict with them to protect them.
Submitted by faluprajapati257 on

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task achievement
While the essay highlights the key arguments, it's crucial to provide more detailed and specific examples to support your points. This will make your argument stronger and more convincing.
task achievement
Your essay would benefit from clearer and more comprehensive ideas. Try to focus on ensuring that each paragraph discusses a single idea in detail, rather than introducing multiple ideas without sufficient exploration.
coherence cohesion
Consider improving the logical structure of your essay. Ensure that each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Use appropriate transition words to connect ideas and ensure a more coherent essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay would benefit from a stronger introduction and conclusion. Make sure to clearly state your position on the topic in the introduction and summarize your key points in the conclusion.
task achievement
You have addressed both sides of the argument, which shows a balanced approach to the topic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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